Can There Be More Than One
by Forever.Jin
Summary: Self-Insert OC fic, because why not? Basically, OC (Kiyo), gets tossed into pre-3rd war Konoha, and meets Sakumo and baby Kakashi. Family feelings ensue. warning for language, and future smut. This will possibly be the closest I get to Slow Burn! Also posted on AO3 under atirednarwhal OC-centric / OC POV
1. Chapter 1

_Can't breathe._

 _Can't breathe._

 _CAN'T BREATHE-_

I gasp for breath and jolt upright like something out of _Pulp Fiction_. Chest heaving, my hands slip down from my throat, and then up to cover my face.

What the fucking hell.

I peek out from my fingers to scan the room. The panic might still be crashing through me, but I can clearly see I've woken up in a shed. How did I end up in a shed? What was I... How... Who? Who am I?

"A very good question," I hold out my shaking hands and stare at them like they're shady alley cats, "What the hell is my name?"

 _Kiyo_.

"Kiyo? Kiyo... That sounds," I tried to steady my breathing, flexing my fingers to stop the shaking, "...right. That sounds right. I'm Kiyo."

There is a door in front of me, and the overwhelming need to GET OUT propels me off the floor. I stumble to the door and knock it open with my weight. Standing had felt funny. Moving my legs had felt wrong. It was like my whole body felt off in a way I couldn't put my finger on. On my hands and knees in the dirt outside, I look to the sky and take the deepest, calming breath I can. And then another. The dirt feels like dirt should under my hands, and the sky looks as the sky should, a nice pale blue. Nothing crazy, nothing wild. Good, good. I turn my head to look back. That is not a shed. That is a hut. Like, not crazy primitive, but definitely not something I would expect to see in my time. Or culture.

What?

"Where am I?"

 _Home._

Home? This is my house? This is...This is... Yes, this is...

"No. That's wrong. This is not my home-"

Sucker punch to the gut.

I'm retching.

Flickering.

My parents' farm.

My dog. My cats.

My husband. M-

Dead. Deaddeaddead.

Why did he do that? Left me.

Alone.

Left me alone.

Why'd he do that? Do that to himself?

Name.

What's my name?

 _Kiyo._

Gasping again. I'm gasping for air and I didn't know I had moved, but my back hits the side of the hut as I claw at the dirt, as I claw at my chest, claw at clothes that I've never worn. Kiyo is not my name. My name is... My name is... My NAME-

 _Kiyo._

No, that's not right, but why does it FEEL right at the same time? I can't remember my name... My name from... From before... What was before? Farming. Planting. Harvesting. Tending to the sheep- What the fuck, no. We never had sheep on my parents' farm. Wrong. That's wrong- Family gone. Taro. Husband. New plot. Small plot. Strangers. Gone. Crops and cattle- I pry my eyes open. The garden is trampled. The wooden fence posts are broken. The fields are torn up and scorched. What happened- Taro gone. No Husband, no life-

The fuck, NO. I don't know if I meant to, but the back of my head smacks sharply against the side of the hut. With whatever mental strength I have, I push all these foreign memories down. Push them back, back from wherever they came from, and lock them away. I don't need that shit in my head right now. I am a grown ass woman, and I can definitely live without a husband. I have for almost two years now, and I am not about to stop. Kiyo, you need to get your shit together. Life doesn't stop just because the one we love dies. At least that's what my mother kept telling me after his death. She was trying to be encouraging, I'm sure. Also, lots of other fish in the sea talks and all that. Probably not the best inspirational speeches to hear only a couple months into widowhood, but I like to think she was trying help. In her own way.

Okay Kiyo, enough with the pep talks. I need to take stock of what the hell is going on. Wet. Something is wet. I see the water on my hands and wrist. It can't be raining, the sky is blue. I brush at my cheeks and find them soaked in tears. Okay then, definitely feeling a little emotional right now.

A quick survey of the surrounding area does not reveal any other humans in sight, which is probably for the best, seeing as I just had a weird breakdown out in the open. I did, though, spy a cat. To be more accurate, the cat approached me once I had stopped flailing. Said cat sits calmly in front of me, and then lets out the most obnoxious husky meow I have ever heard from a black and white tuxedo. Probably had a Siamese parent with a voice like that. Could make any ear bleed. I loved it.

"Do you smoke?" I go squinty eyed at the cat, "You should probably quit, if you do. You sound like you go through a pack a day... Would you like to come with me into my hut?"

Cat looked at me like I was the stupidest peasant he...or she...had ever come across. I push the door open, and Cat prances in like this is the normal way of things.

"Excellent. You are my first friend. Welcome, new friend Cat."

I follow, because the hut doesn't seem like such a bad place to be now that Cat is also an occupant, and I see that there is a sink, a stove of some sort in a corner, and a bed roll on the floor. That was probably where I was before I... Woke up. An investigation of what looks like a closet, is actually the toilet. Awesome. Now what?

Check to see if I have working water? Seems like a good idea. I fiddle with the faucet and... Nothing happens. Cool. Where does a person get water?

Apparently, my face.

I scrub at my face, willing the tears to stop, to no avail, mind you. So we don't have running water, no biggie, we'll figure something out. I start rummaging through the cupboards that span the same wall with sink and stove. I am happy to find a covered bucket of water. I am perplexed that the only other thing I find is a bag of rice, and it looks like rodents have already started in on it. This situation is just plain depressing.

"What do you suggest we do?"

Cat cracks an eye open at my question, looking perfectly content, curled up on the bed roll, before giving a huff, curling up tighter and going back to napping. Actually, that doesn't sound like such a bad idea, considering my current circumstances, and I was already used to hiding from my problems by sleeping life away. I found a rough blanket, and joined Cat on the bed roll. With my nose buried in cat fur, I was out like a light.

Human noises wake me. It sounds like people are gathering outside, loud chatter and pounding of feet. Instinct has me freezing, holding my breath as I listen. I have no idea how long I was sleeping, but through cracks in the covered windows, I can see daylight, so either not very long or about a day. Maybe if I stay really quiet, no one will notice me and I'll be left alone. There's this painful, miserable feeling just under my breastbone that wants nothing to do with the commotion going on, but the logical part of my brain, the part I feel is the most ME right now, tells me I should go gather as well, because this is a strange place, and there's safety in numbers, plus, I might figure out where the hell I am. So, there's a lot going for the get-up-and-see plan. Not to mention that the stay-in-bed-and-hide plan is based purely on a negative feeling, and feelings are not facts. At least, that's what my therapist is always telling me.

All my musings are pointless when a young girl enters my house. I say young, but she's probably 12 or 13, so really, she's just, a girl. She's plain, nothing stands out to me that gives me a clue about where I am or what's going on. She's a little dirty, a little thin, but considering that it looks like a natural disaster of some kind happened outside, it's not too concerning.

"Kiyo-san, you need to get up. We're leaving."

We're leaving? Who's 'we'? Why are we leaving? Okay, that's kind of a stupid question, it looks like a battlefield out there. But, like, who is this girl and why did she call me Kiyosan? Is that my full name? Come to think of it, I have no recollection of a last name. Mayne my last name is Sand? While I think this and just…stare at the girl, she comes over, picks up Cat, who just lets this happen like some kind of rag doll, and offers me her hand.

"Please Kiyo-san, you have to come with us. You can't stay here by yourself."

This…is probably true. I only have a bucket of questionable water and rodent infested rice. I push myself up, ignoring her helping hand because she already has Cat and I really don't think she can help lift me, and though I stagger a little, I can stand on my own. Still, that offered hand takes one of mine, and I'll led out of my hut by the girl, like some errant child. I look around and see that a large group of people are being gathered into a kind of caravan line. There are people on the outskirts like sheepdogs, wearing dark clothes with green vests. They all have some form of head band or covering. This does not bode well. Oh no, this does not bode well at all.

I ask, "Where are we going?" But I fear I already know.

"They're taking us to Konoha were we will be safe! Isn't that great?"

Oh man, I think I'm in a fictional world. But, that's like, insane. I can't be in the Naruto universe, it doesn't really exist. Right?


	2. Chapter 2

Apparently, I'm wrong, because Those ninja soldiers are very real, and very grumpy. They pin me with hard looks and my face can't decide if it should heat or drain. I probably have the stupidest look on my face. There's a call of "Is that everyone?" and pretty soon we're marching at a grueling pace, or at least one that my legs have a hard time working at. I still feel strange, like my proportions are off. So I trip and stumble and generally make a fool of myself. I feel small, and the ninja striding easily beside us seems like a mountain. Maybe I _am_ small? Maybe I'm not 5'7" anymore, because what if this isn't my body? Maybe I'm not this Kiyo person? What if I'm just _in her body_? Is that why everything is all mixed up in my head? That little voice that told me who I was, was that like an _actual voice_ , independent of my own brain? I could feel the sweat prickling on my face and I suddenly felt the urge to vomit. This is bad. Who am I? What happened to me?

"Hey, are you okay?"

I startle when a ninja speaks like, _right into_ my ear. Why is he walking so close to me? When did this happen? I dart my eyes over to him and then immediately look away. He's full on staring at me. I can't handle this. I feel a couple drops of sweat run down my face.

"Kiyo-san hasn't been feeling good," the girl who lead me from my 'house' comes to my rescue, "she hasn't really eaten since her husband died."

Oh shit, my husband died in _this_ world too? I mean, not _my_ husband, Kiyo's husband. I wonder how it happened? Maybe it had something to do with the basically destroyed village we just left? What are the odds that I, a widow, am not inhabiting the body of another widow. Creepy.

"Ah, I see…"

Something is shoved under my nose. It is a rice ball. I take it automatically.

"Have this. You need to keep your strength up," I look up now and stare at this ninja, which is apparently the correct move, because he pats me on the head like some dog, "I'm sorry for your loss."

I open my mouth to respond that, it's okay, it's been two years, but he's gone. Like, he just disappears from sight. Ninjas. What the hell. Of course, _my_ husband _did_ die two years ago, but I don't actually know _when_ Kiyo's husband bit the dust. Maybe it has been a lot less time than that. Probably. That damage to the village looks fresh. With nothing else to do, I start eating the ball of rice, but if it tastes like anything, it's wasted on me, but the motion of chewing is kind of nice, so I finish it. It's also true that I don't know when I ate last, so eating something now is probably for the best, plus that whole interaction interrupted my impending meltdown. Probably all for the best. Yes. Totally.

A hand slips into mine again. It's that girl, she gives me a small smile when I look at her. I wish I knew her name, but wouldn't it be weird to ask? She _obviously_ knows Kiyo. Maybe they were close? I'm not much taller than her. Maybe we're close to the same age? I kind of pale at that. I estimated her to be around 13 at the most, but maybe they have child brides in Naruto? Am I also in my teens? I know for a fact that _I_ am a 26 year old woman, but how old is Kiyo? The question slips out before I can stop it.

"How old am I?"

The girl gives me a really odd look, as I expected.

"Kiyo-san, are you having trouble with your memories again?"

Oh my gods, how convenient.

"I think so," I said this while trying to look like I had memory troubles.

The girl took a deep breath.

"Your name is Kiyo, you are 20 years old, you live in the village of Mominoki…" the girl trails off a little, "I mean, we used to live in Mominoki. Now were going to live in Konoha. But, Endo-sama instructed me to tell this to you when you feel 'lost'. And you used to be married to Takada-san, but he's gone now."

 _Taro._

I can feel tears welling up in my eyes. That deep pain under my breastbone spreads. The girl slaps a hand over her mouth, I must look bad.

"I'm sorry Kiyo-san! I didn't mean to mention Takada-san, but I thought maybe you had forgotten. It's already been 2 months…"

Two months? No wonder this Kiyo was still in full-on grief mode. The girl continues to chatter on while I try to make sense of everything.

 _Taro._

Yeah, I got that already. So, Taro Takada, must make me Kiyo Takada, or at last this body is. I don't really know who the hell I am. If I could just remember…

 _Kiyo. KIYO._

Okay. That's all I got then. I'm Kiyo for now. All I can remember is what I thought when I was having that first breakdown. I had a dog. I had cats. I had a family, on a farm. I had a husband, and that's where things start to get messy. It's like memories are twisted together, polluting those images. It's like Kiyo and I are forming into one person, and that scares the shit out of me.

"Kiyo-san?"

I'm shaking. I can feel my whole body trembling and my legs are dragging. That girl is tugging me along.

"Kiyo-san? It's me, Kiki-chan, can you hear me?"

So, her name is Kiki. That's cute. Like that movie.

"I can hear you," I respond.

"Are you lost again? Your name is Kiyo! You are," I hold my hand up to stop her.

"No, no I'm not 'lost' Kiki-chan. Just…not feeling well."

"Oh, okay," but Kiki-chan keeps giving me weird looks.

"Tell me everything about yourself Kiki-chan. I want to hear about something else."

This, apparently, was the correct thing to say, because Kiki launches off into this monologue about her life with Okaa-san and Otou-san and her big sister, Onee-san. I'm pretty sure her sister's name isn't really Onee, but I have nothing for reference. Apparently Okaa-san and Otou-san are 'gone' and Onee-san and Kiki live, _lived_ , next to Takada-san and I. Takada-san apparently helped them out during harvest times. Good to know. But that was back before, ' _you know_ ', which I am assuming is the death of Takada-san. The pain blooms in my chest again, but I'm getting use to it. And it's not as if the pain is unfamiliar, I just haven't felt it in about a year, and it's weird to have it hit full force, when I didn't even _know_ this Taro. Because he wasn't _my_ Taro.

Ugh. Those thoughts were so depressing and useless. I try to focus on Kiki's stories, but I'm tired, and now a little curious about my surroundings. As I peek around, I'm noticing that I don't look to be the only one who's getting tired. Elderly people and younger children are being helped into the two wagons that I suppose house all of the village's worldly possessions. Now that I think about it, I didn't take anything with me from my own home. I have no worldly possessions. I most likely have no money either. I can feel the anxiety bubbling up as I think about the fact that I have nothing, and I have no idea what's going to happen to me. Oh man, not good thoughts.

The sun is starting to hang low in the sky, or at least it's passing below the tree tops around us, and I can't really tell how much time has passed because, well, I wasn't paying attention until now. I can tell that we've been walking for a long time, mostly because my feet hurt. The ninjas seem both bored and a little anxious. I'm still not clear on what happened to the village I was in, but the people escorting us are very watchful. Maybe they're just wanting to get back as soon as possible, this doesn't seem like a very fun mission. I'm sure it is one that Naruto would complain about, but no one is complaining, in fact, everyone looks very serious. Actually, I have no idea _when_ in the Naruto timeline I'm in. Is Naruto just a little genin? Is Sasuke in the village? With Orochimaru? With Taka? Is Naruto Hokage? I don't 'recognize' any of the ninja I can see.

We walk, and walk, and walk. It's like, dusk at this point, and we show no signs of stopping for the night. I'll admit I'm growing a little uneasy. I'm getting the distinct impression that this is not a time of peace. Maybe I got thrown into the third ninja war timeline? Naruto is nothing but the twinkle in Kushina's eye? Maybe I'll happen upon Kakashi, Minato, Rin, and, the most soon-to-be craziest ninja, Obito? Is it the beginning of the war? Near the end? Oh man, so many questions, absolutely no answers.

Soon, even Kiki got quiet, probably because we needed to focus all our attention on the ground so we didn't trip in the dark. My feet are numb, and with each foot fall, my calves give a funny jiggle sensation, but we continue forward. I must have spaced out while walking for a LONG time, putting one foot in front of the other like a robot, because the sky was turning pink. We had walked through the entire night, I didn't even think I could DO that. Before us, in the growing light, I can see those iconic gates, closed to us at the moment, but I see two ninjas disappear, and I can only guess that they went on ahead to alert the people in charge of the gate. I am so ready to stop walking. The whole atmosphere of our little caravan seems to relax as well, and a gentle wave of chatter flows among the villagers.

"Look Kiyo!" Kiki smiles at me, "It's our new home!"

My nerves come back. I have no idea what will happen to me now.


	3. Chapter 3

Entering the village was a long, tedious affair.

First, we all had to sit around just inside the gates, and wait for the officials who were needed to be roused, because we weren't on schedule. Which we were late or too early, I have no clue, but we had to wait for these special people to arrive at the gate entrance before we could proceed. It had unnerved me that as soon as the giant gates had opened and let us through, they had shut right behind us again. Nothing was boding well as far as I'm concerned.

Next, we had to apply and have papers made for us. Like, official papers, kind of like a passport, but also a little 'I am a citizen now' form. Being from a small village of nowhere, apparently we had none of these, which is good because I won't have known where to find them if I did, so we were 'temporary' citizens while this was sorted. Unfortunately, there was like, 50 people in our village, and so at the crack of dawn, with no sleep, walking gods know how many miles, we had to line up and fill out paperwork. Some folks couldn't read or write, so they needed extra help, and then there were minors who had to be put under guardianship of a village elder. Which meant more forms had to be filled. It took FOREVER.

The only thing keeping me upright is the disgusting, nauseating feeling of panic. I'm in total panic mode, because first off, what if I can't answer one of the questions? Second, where was I going to go? Shaking like a leaf, all the puns intended, I'm pretty sure I'm about to go into shock.

"Kiyo-san," Kiki tugs on my hand.

I look at her and can't even find the words, but she's giving me this pleased face, so something must be okay.

"Kiyo-san, we have to find Onee-san."

Who the hell is Onee-san? I didn't want to just give away that I have no idea who this person was to Kiki.

"Okay," is what comes out.

I let Kiki lead me around the group, looking for Onee-san. There are some elderly people who stop us and chat with Kiki, and give me the most piteous looks. Like, geez, what happened to Kiyo? There's itch at the back of my brain, that I kind of know what happened to Kiyo, but the odds would be horribly creepy, like, there's no way we have that much in common. I'm pulled from my thoughts, literally, because Kiki is pulling me around again. She's asking random people now if they've seen 'Onee-san' and some people just shake their heads and others point us in a new direction. Finally, Kiki squeals out "Onee-san!"

Onee-san, is a woman who is maybe an inch or two taller than me, looks almost exactly like Kiki, except her hair is a shade darker brown than Kiki's, but their eyes are the same green. She sees us and gives this huge, exhausted sigh.

"Kiki!" Oh no, no -chan, we must be in some trouble, "Where have you been? I've been looking for you everywhere!"

Obviously not, because WE were looking everywhere and didn't come across her.

"Sorry Onee-san," Kiki did not look sorry at all, "But, Kiyo-san has been having trouble again, so I stayed with her to help."

Onee-san looks me in the eye and once again I'm confronted with this pitying stare.

"Kiyo-san, I'm glad you're safe. Do you remember me? Ako-chan?"

"I do now," is my honest reply. In truth, the moment I saw her together with Kiki, some fuzzy memories floated through my mind's eye, but I hadn't remembered her name.

"Do you need me to recite Endo-sama's list for you again?" Kiki asks helpfully.

"No, but thank you," I assure her. I definitely do NOT need the list again.

"I'm glad Kiki-chan found you," Ako-chan breaks in, "I was worried you might not have the will to come with us. Even though I made arrangements for us all."

"Arrangements?" I probably said it too sharply because Ako-chan gave me a look.

"Yes, rememeber? I told you I wrote to my uncle and aunt a month ago asking if we could go live with them, we were going to take you with us because none of us could run the farms without Takada-san. But, then the skirmish at the village happened, and then the raids started, and you said you couldn't go home because a battle had destroyed your home village…"

Wait, I wasn't from this village? That…wow, that sucks. Kiyo's life sucks.

"My parents?"

"You were given notice that they had been caught up in the fighting and perished…"

I could feel the tears, but I'm not sure my face was playing along. I feel that loss, that sadness from Kiyo, but at the same time it's like I'm removed from it.

"I'm sorry you have to keep going through this Kiyo-san," Ako-chan did look apologetic, "But I've secured a place for us to live, and we'll be helping out at the stand, so we'll probably have some wages."

"Thank you Ako-chan," I look at her and see that she can't be more than 16 years old, "You did very good, and you've been so strong."

Now Ako-chan was tearing up, but she didn't let the tears fall.

"Right, now we have to get our papers and then we can go to Uncle's."

I nod and we head back to the line.

By the time we got done with the paperwork, it's heading towards noon, and we're starving. Because we took so long, Kiki and Ako's uncle meets us at the gate.

"Call me Jiro-san," he tells me.

I just nod and when were all assembled, Ako asks why we're still waiting.

"We're waiting for one more," Jiro-san explains, "Since we have four extra beds, we told them we could take on an extra person beyond you three. Ah, there she is I believe!"

"Mari-san?" Ako exclaims.

I turn and look to see a woman with chestnut hair and grey eyes. This must be Mari-san.

"Ako-chan, Kiyo-san, I will be joining you, please treat me well."

She bows and I automatically bow back, along with Ako. As Jiro-san leads us to his home, I learn more about Mari-san. Apparently, we haven't really interacted until now, so while Mari-san introduced herself to me, Kiki was so helpful and does my introduction herself. It turns out Mari-san is 18 and as of yet, unmarried, and 'hopes she will not be a burden on Jiro-san for long.' If ever I heard a woman was man-hunting, wow.

We arrive at Jiro-san's home, it looks like the entire block is houses all squished together and Jiro-san's house is a thin, tall building like its neighbors, and we are greeted by a middle-aged woman with greying hair in a low bun.

"Hello, my name is Yamamoto Mai, you may call me Mai-san."

Mari-san and I bow and murmur greetings of our own. We are all swept into the first floor of the house. It's a living room on one side and kitchen on the other. Mai-san has prepared lunch and we all sit to eat, grateful for the food, and the comfort. Afterwards, Jiro-san tells us we can take our things up to the third floor. At this point I realize I'm the only one who doesn't have a pack. Mai-san seems to notice this too.

"Kiyo-san, do you have any of your things with you? Did you leave them on one of the wagons?"

I can't stop the blush. I feel like an absolute fool for being the only one with just the dress on her back. I don't even know where Cat is. Kiki speaks up for me.

"Kiyo-san didn't have anything left to bring."

Pity radiates throughout the room and my blush gives way to shameful tears, but I only sniffle a little bit. Ako give me a side hug and Mai-san pats my shoulder.

"There, there. We have some basic necessities ready for you girls, so don't worry. You can forget your troubled pasts and start fresh here in Konoha."

Oh man, if this is what it was going to be like the whole time I stay here, I might murder someone. That is _so_ not healthy healing, like, my girl Kiyo is going to have to grieve, and even if I'm done with most of my grieving, I now have Kiyo's to process, and I swore off intimate relationships after my husband died, so, yeah. This one is NOT man-hunting.

Wiping away the tears, I try to compose myself and nod, because what else can I do? The four of us head up the stairs. The first landing, the second story, has two doors, the second landing, the third floor, also has two doors. We check the first door, it's a bathroom. We try the second door, and we let ourselves into a single room with two bunkbeds. What the hell. Everyone else seems unperturbed, if not accepting, while I'm like, why would you cram four girls into a single room, with a single bathroom? Is it because I'm an American? Probably. But, still, how long do they expect us to be here? What if it takes years for one of us to be stable enough on our own?

While I'm standing in the doorway, gawking, everyone else has chosen their beds. Kiki and Ako share a bunkbed, and apparently, Mari-san has left me the bottom bunk of the other. Top bunk must be prime real-estate. As I sit on the bed, _my bed_ , I watch the others unpack what little they have. It feels weird, but I feel jealous, like, why can't I have just one thing to call my own? That _means_ something to me? Not that I can think of anything I would want to have. I wonder idly if I have any friends from before this world that will miss me now that I'm here. I can't remember anyone in particular, I can't even remember who my family was, only that I had one. What I DO remember are stories. The Hobbit, Lord of the Rings, Snow White, Inuyasha, The Breakfast Club, Jurassic Park, and others, the one that's mainly on my mind is Naruto. I'm trying to remember all I can about the 'pre-series' to help survive the time I'm in now, which I'm still unclear on.

Obviously, Naruto, Kakashi, nor Tsunade are Hokage…yet. I can't rule out Hiruzen out, but I think, because of the style of ninja vests our escorts were wearing, I can rule out that I'm in the time of Hashirama. That would suck anyway because I, and the fandom, have very little knowledge, canon-wise, of what that time period was like. But there were wars, I shiver a little, I know there are many conflicts and _bad_ things that happen. For all I know, we could be in the middle of one right now, though I think I would here more talk about it. Maybe not. We are obviously fighting someone, because our village was decimated, but I don't know who and I don't know how serious it is. I want to ask, but I feel like that would be, what? Rude? Insensitive? Stupid? Ugh. There should be an instruction manual for this world. Maybe a small greeting seminar, 'hello, you have now entered the Naruto universe, please, put on your seatbelts and keep your hands inside the ride at all times.' Wouldn't that be nice? If only the gods could be that decent.

I jump as thunder crashs outside. Geez, it's like they _heard_ me or something. We all group around the single window, peer out as clouds move in swiftly and rain starts to pelt down on the city.

"Well, I'm glad we got in before the storm," Ako murmurs.

More thunder erupts, and a flash of lightning darts across the clouds. We all start counting, waiting for the next boom. It's kind of nice, actually. I feel a little more peaceful with a storm coming down outside and being inside, safe and warm, with friends. At least, I hope these are my friends. Mari-san and I are practically strangers on all accounts, but Ako and Kiki seem to know and really care for Kiyo. I wonder if they'd be sad if I tell them Kiyo is, mostly, gone, and I'm just…someone else. Now, with my mood sinking, I feel like I'm lying to them. Lying to this whole world.


	4. Chapter 4

Mai-san came up with fresh clean clothes for all of us, saying that she would be doing laundry once the storm let up. Apparently they are a frequent occurrence lately, but don't last long. We all agree that we should clean up while we're at it. So, we hand over our clothes to Mai-san, and now clad in towels, we take turns using the bath. Mari goes first, washing before soaking in the tub, then, while she's soaking, Ako and Kiki go in to wash. Once they finish washing, Mari gets out of the tub and the sisters get in, making it my turn to wash. And boy, did I need it. I couldn't believe the amount of brown water I was creating, SO gross. I scrub at the blackened soles of my feet, and wipe away days of dirt and sweat from my neck and face. I think I end up lathering up my hair three times, and I stare at all the debris that falls out. What had I even looked like, coming into this village?

Ako and Kiki excuse themselves from the tub and I take this as my que to get in. The water is still hot, and whatever scents Mari put in it soothe a headache I hadn't even been aware of. But this time alone gives my brain all the time it needs to freak out. A lump forms in my throat and I feel the tears start to flow, I can't tell if they're Kiyo's or mine, but we're both probably overwhelmed right now.

What now? I mean, I have a place to live. Shelter. I've been fed and will probably get a steady supply of food while I'm here. I'm being given new clothes and supplies to live. But, like, what's expected of me? How long will this hospitality last? I have nothing really. I don't know if I have any marketable skills, or how this place _works_. I'm not a ninja! I'll never be a ninja, I mean, why would I want to be? That's scary dangerous. But, like, what's the other option? Be a poor civilian? Normally in these situations, don't people get to be in cool families and have super intense skills? I mean, I don't remember the stories being so depressing… I should really stop thinking like that, because, well, Kiyo has at least two really good people looking out for her, Ako and Kiki have been total rocks. And, she's alive, _we're_ alive. Think of the positives, think of the positives!

"Kiyo-san?"

There's knocking on the bathroom door.

"Kiyo-san, are you okay in there?"

Sounds like Ako.

"Y-yeah! I'm okay!"

"Okay, well, we're going to bed! Hurry up in there, you don't want to prune!"

We finish shouting through the door and I hear Ako step away. I didn't realize how long I had been sitting here… I _am_ in fact starting to prune. I stand up and drain the bathwater, when a thought occurs to me. I don't know what I look like. I haven't even thought to check, and the mirror was fogged over by the time I got into the bathroom, so I never caught a glimpse. I let down my hair from the bun it is in now and look at it in my hands. It's black, maybe more of a very dark brown if it wasn't damp. I don't feel shock or off in any way, it's just…normal hair. I get to the mirror and wipe off the steam. I peer at myself. I have brown eyes set in a…plain face. I look, but nothing jumps out at me, nothing seems strange. I will myself, search deep down, to picture _my_ face. Something different, something _me_. But, nothing comes to mind. I just look…normal. I'm getting that uneasy feeling again. I look down, then step back and try to look at my body the best I can in the mirror. It's…it's just normal. Nothing looks _wrong_. But, maybe that _is_ wrong. I know for a fact this isn't my own body, right? So it _should_ feel off, right? It's like I knew I was 5'7" before, but if I'm actually 5'7" now then everyone around me is a GIANT. That just can't be. So all of this should feel _wrong_.

I realize I'm shaking again. Why, when I look at myself, does everything look _right_? What did I use to look like? Why can't I remember? I would be willing to believe I'm really just Kiyo, having a mental breakdown, but…but I have _other memories_. I…I have memories of a _Before_. But, I'm also _becoming Kiyo_. At least, that's what I think is happening. That's what _scares_ me. What if I forget all my Before memories? Who…who will I be then? And, and what if Kiyo comes _back_? What if she takes over and I end up wherever she is now? Somewhere locked away in the back recesses of her mind. I…I don't want to live like that. I don't WANT that!

My breathing is becoming erratic, I can feel my heart pounding and skipping beats. Oh man, I feel like I'm going to faint and vomit at the same time. Not good, not good. Abort. I sink to the floor and try to calm myself. This is doing no good, thinking about all of this. There's no…there's no _point_ in thinking about it. What happens, happens, and I can't change any of it. We…we just have to keep living, that's all we can do. Me and Kiyo. We're in this together, and if she doesn't want to be running her life, then I'll run it for her. I can only make the best of my situation, so that's what I'm going to do. I spent years trying to hide from life after my husband died, so I understand where Kiyo is coming from, but this is not a life where you can just hide. There are ninjas and wars and killing everywhere. I have to remain present to stay alive.

Nothing like impending death to motivate you, right?

Plus, these nice people, the Yamamotos, have taken us in, and we need to do, _I_ need to do, what I can to repay them. Kiyo has taken the backseat, so I have to drive, I have to _be_ Kiyo. Because, I really don't have anyone else to be right now… I sit on the floor of the bathroom until my system calms down a little more. The pep talk was good, it puts things into perspective. I feel like I'm in charge again, I have control over my actions, and I choose to be present. Oh man, what I wouldn't give to have my therapist with me right now. There's self-pep-talks, and then there's pep talks coming from a licensed professional. I am not a licensed professional, at anything, I don't think. So, really, I only believe about half of what I say to myself. Most of it is wishful thinking…probably. Okay, I need to get up.

I pull myself up off the floor using the sink for support. I tidy up the bathroom for a little while, kind of afraid to leave it's safety and face the world, but eventually I exit and tiptoe into the bedroom. Everyone is asleep. The storm has let up and the grey clouds are breaking up to reveal sunshine. It's really early to be sleeping, actually. We haven't even had dinner yet. Then again, we all _did_ walk throughout the night to get here, so no one has had rest for 24 hours or more. Sleeping is probably the best idea right now, it's not like we have any pressing matters to deal with. I change into the new underclothes that Mai-san had brought up for us and crawl into my new bed. I vaguely wonder why we're not all on futons before I pass out.

I wake up to birds chirping. How cliché. Everyone around me is already dressing.

"Ah," it's Ako-chan, "Kiyo-san, you're awake."

"What…"

"It's morning," she answers before I can form my question, "You slept through the rest of yesterday and all through the night."

"We tried to wake you for dinner," Kiki butts in, "But you just wouldn't wake up!"

"We were a little concerned, but since it's not unusual for you, we let you sleep. Mai-oba-san just came up and let us know that breakfast is ready."

"Oh, okay," was my astute answer.

All three wait for me as I get up and dress. Mai-san had given me a new dress. It was simple, and light blue, with a dark blue cloth sash. I hustle to get everything on so the rest of the girls don't have to wait on me very long. We head down the stairs to the main floor and sure enough, breakfast is waiting. Mai-san greets me.

"It's good to see you up, Kiyo-san. I was worried when you didn't come down last night, but then Ako-chan told me you haven't been eating very much recently. She told me she was surprised at how much you ate at lunch."

"Ah, yes, I'm sorry. Kiki-chan told me they tried to wake me but couldn't. I must have been very tired."

"Well, that's no excuse. You need to eat and keep up your energy," she chides, "while you're here you will eat three meals a day."

"Um, yes, I will," I reply awkwardly as I sit down to eat.

At the table, Jiro-san addresses us all.

"So, now that you girls are here, we'll set up a work schedule. Every day, two of you will help work the stand, and two of you will stay here and help with the chores."

"What kind of stand do you run?" Mari-san asks.

"A very good question," Jiro-san chuckles, "I run a produce stand. I used to get some vegetables from Ako-chan's and Kiki-chan's parents, my late sister's farm, but I also have other relatives around the Land of Fire who supply my stand with produce. You see, I was the first to leave the farms and migrate to Konoha with the dream of selling our wonderful vegetables and fruits!"

As Jiro-san went on and on about his life story and various fruits and vegetables that he sold at the stand, I started wondering about who was alive that I knew of from the Naruto series. I potentially had future knowledge here, if I could ever find out where in the timeline I am. But do I do anything about that? Should I try to interfere and changes things, hopefully for the better? Do I just, what? Sit on it? Let everything play out as it does? Is my being here a ripple in the story? Or was Kiyo always supposed to be here? Of course, in order to change anything, I'd have to, you know, _meet_ ninjas. That seems dangerous. But then again, ninjas need food, I'm sure they needed produce. So, maybe if I meet a ninja that I know, I'll try to make a positive change? I'm sure a rando civilian isn't going to make a huge impact on any of the ninjas I know about, but like, hey, at least I can try?

"…yo-sa…"

"Ki…an…?"

"Kiyo-san?"

I jolt. Everyone is staring at me. Oh man, I'm so embarrassed, was I so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't hear them? That's so rude. Oh no, now Jiro-san is going to think I'm a jerk!

"Kiyo-san, did you have another blackout?"

…I'm sorry, a what?

"Um…" I can feel my cheeks getting red.

"Kiyo-san gets blackouts sometimes," Kiki announces to the table, "she has as long as we've known her, even before Takada-san died."

I see Ako give Kiki a mild glare.

"Oh, sorry…"

But, the damage is done.

 _Taro_.

I feel tears threatening to spill. Kiki really has to stop mentioning Takada-san, I really don't like having that pain in my chest flare up like this.

"Now, now. None of that," Mai-san interrupts, "Kiyo-san, you must only look forward."

She takes my hand and pats it, but all I can do is stare at her. Does she realize she's essentially shaming Kiyo for her grief? Man, if I wasn't the one holding the reins, Kiyo probably wouldn't be able to heal at all.

"Yes, let's move forward," Jiro-san echoes his wife, "Kiki-chan, Ako-chan, you'll be with me today, learning the ropes at the stand. Mari-san, Kiyo-san, you'll stay here with Mai-chan."

 _Great,_ I think as the couple gushes at each other over Jiro-san calling Mai-san ' _Mai-chan_ ', it must be a cutesy thing they do. Which _is_ cute. Ugh, I can't decide if I like these people or not. I know I don't hate them, they're doing a really kind thing by taking us all in, and they seem like nice people. They just don't seem to deal with grief properly. Then again, that's not really a thing in Naruto, is it? Hm. More thoughts on that later.

We all help clean up the table and kitchen, before going our separate ways. Mai-san says that today Mari-san and I will be accompanying her while shopping. One of the stops will to be to get me some more clothes, because only having one good dress isn't enough. She also tells me that she's hard pressed not to use my original dress as a rag, since it's so worn. I didn't think it was that bad but okay. We leave the house and Mai-san leads us into the shopping district. It's pleasant outside, not very chilly at all, but I can see the colors are starting to creep along the edges of leaves in the trees around us. There are A LOT of trees.

We enter a shop and Mai-san and Mari-san fuss over me a little as they pick out some clothes for me. I feel overwhelmed, being out in a crowded place like this, so I just let them do as they please. It's not my money to spend anyway, so I'll go along with whatever Mai-san feels is appropriate clothing. I do notice that they're all dresses and skirts that we're looking at. Apparently pants for woman is not a thing yet? Because, I don't see a single pair of pants in the shop, and it looks like it's only a store for women's clothing. Kind of sexist but whatever. Not my time, not my world.

Mai-san buys some things and then we're off to the next store. We bounce around for a time, helping Mai-san carry bags as she picks up this and that. When we enter the market place to buy some meat, we stop by the stand to say hello to Ako, Kiki, and Jiro-san. It's a humble thing, not too big, not exactly tiny, and it seems very popular. And then…we're back in Jiro-san's house.

Like, I don't remember getting to the house. I was just, at the stand and then, house. I'm sitting at the table and Mari is peering at my face.

"Kiyo-san, can you hear me?"

"Yes," ouch, my face hurts. I reach up and touch my smarting cheek.

"Mai-san slapped you to try and bring you back to your senses," Mari informs me.

W…wow, that's…that's not a nice thing to do. Also, it apparently didn't work because I don't see Mai-san anywhere.

"Did I…um, did I have a blackout thingy?"

Mari shrugs, "I guess. You just when still and you stopped responding to anyone, it was like you were in a daze."

Cool, I went comatose in a public place. Not embarrassing at all. I wonder if Mai-san slapped me in public?

"Kiki-chan says that's usually what happens to you, and that you would snap out of it eventually."

Kiki to the rescue. That girl knows everything about me. Mai-san comes into the room then.

"Kiyo-san, you gave us a scare. How are you feeling?"

"I'm…I think I'm okay, just, confused, but Mari-san was just filling me in."

"You can't do things like that," Mai-san chides me again, "with actions like that you'll be a burden on everybody."

I have to bundle up all my sarcasm and shove it deep down inside me.

"I will try not to do it again."

"Good. You missed lunch," Mai-san clicks her tongue, "But it couldn't be helped. So now, get up and you two will help me finish making dinner."

My legs wobble as I stand. Understandable, considering I just had like, a lapse in memory. I blacked out and I've never experienced that before. I feel like crying. Is that normal? Do I usually cry after blackouts? I wish Kiki was here to tell me. Mari waits for me to steady myself. I try to pack everything away for now so I can get through dinner and then cry by myself in the tub later. I give Mari a nod and she walks with me to the kitchen. And that, is how my first real day in Konoha ends.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day, I'm prepared for the worst. In only a couple days I've learned that Kiyo is a widow, an orphan, and gets random black outs. It's safe to say I'm a little scared to find out what today will bring. Last night had ended with me choking down dinner and then sulking in the tub while Ako and Kiki washed up. Apparently, Mari and I are going to switch off who goes first every other day. It didn't even matter, I didn't feel like crying by then anyway, I just wanted to mope. Kiki sensed my mood, because she chatted at me the whole time about how it was okay for me to black out, nobody had ever really minded, and I should feel okay because I won't _ever_ be alone. Which, didn't make me feel better. Maybe it should, it was a nice thing to say, but I just wasn't in the mood for that kind of comfort. Really, I LIKE being alone sometimes, I can feel in my _bones_ that I'm an introvert by nature, and the fact that I share a bedroom, share a job, share a _bathroom_ with all these people…it made me itchy.

Mai-san had watched me like a hawk at dinner, and now, downstairs, eating breakfast, she is still watching my every move. Maybe she's afraid that I could just fall over at any moment. Blacking out _shouldn't_ be considered normal but any means, and it is a little disconcerting that everyone else is just, taking it in stride. No one but Mai-san seems all that concerned. I wonder what the healthcare system is like in this time. I feel like medical ninjutsu was pretty advanced early on in the series, but that might only be for ninja? I'm not even a full-fledged citizen yet, I don't know if I can even _go_ to the doctor's office, or hospital, whatever they have.

Anyway, today Mari and I are going with Jiro-san to the produce stand to learn how to attend to it. I assume it's simple, you take people's money and hand over an orange. Can't be too hard. We get ourselves ready, Mai-san is fussing around Jiro-san, saying their goodbyes, it's too cute, and we head out into the brisk morning. Jiro-san talks about what kind of produce we will be selling, and I'll be frank, I'm not listening. I learned a bit about the blackouts last night from Kiki, and they're at the forefront of my mind. Kiyo's always had blackouts, even before I got here, and apparently, Takada-san knew about them before he married Kiyo. I can't help but wonder if I'm here because of the blackouts. Not in a, like, I'm here to fix this brain way, but in a 'there's something wrong with this mind, and the gaps left in it are able to be filled by another entity' way. The other entity being me, whoever I am.

 _Kiyo_.

Always so quick to answer that question, as usual. The thought of having two minds in one body frightens me, and having events where I essentially shutdown mentally don't relieve any of my fears either. I'm still not sure what exactly happens to me while I'm out, like, do I pass out? Or do I just become like a living doll? Can I still do things? I never did ask how I got back to the house yesterday. Did I walk? Was I carried? It's obviously a noticeable change, because other people are aware of it… This is not helping me feel in control at all, in fact, I feel very _out_ of control of myself and my life. I previously wondered how long it might be before one of us is able to become independent of the Yamamotos, but what if I can _never_ be independent? What if I'll always have to have someone watching over me?

We arrive at the stand and greet the other stand owners around us, the calling out of good mornings knock me from my own thoughts. Jiro-san shows us how to set up the stand and open up the shop behind it that keeps all of our supplies of produce that can be held for sometime or that still needs time to ripen to its best quality. I don't know, food things. Jiro-san has talked about how our products are subject to the seasons, and one of the reasons the stand is so popular is because Jiro-san's family farms are all over the Land of Fire and so we tend to have things longer, that have since gone out of season for the area. I _had_ listened when he has talked about the seasons of Konoha. It is apparently very common that the fall is warm, the temperatures being mild until the first of the year, when winter actually comes to visit. There's usually at least some snow, but spring is always quick to follow, and summers can be 'a bit hot'. Mari smiles politely and nods along, clearly feeling either really bored or irritated, because, um, hello, we came from a farming community not far from here, so she probably knows what the weather is like around here. But _I_ don't, so I'm very content to let Jiro-san go on and on. He clearly has an annoying passion for his work. He seems the type to repeat information you already know at least twice, never realizing that he's talked about it before.

So, your typical aging human. Both Mai-san and Jiro-san have a lot of grey in their hair, so either they live a hard life, or they're not getting any younger. I'm sure it's a little bit of a blessing for them that all of us are here to start helping out, but then again, we're probably quite the burden since they have to provide for us too. Maybe it will all even out some day. Either way, now the _real_ physical labor begins. I don't know what Kiyo's life was like before, but she's _not_ strong at all. Lugging crates of vegetables and fruit from the back of the shop to the stand up front is making me work up a sweat. My arms feel like useless noodles. I feel like this is unacceptable, like, I need to work out or something because I am not use to being this weak.

Turns out, there's a lot more to running the booth than I originally thought. As people start filling up the street, Jiro-san introduces us not only to the other vendors, but to long-time customers. There's a lot of _haggling_ involved in the purchasing of vegetables, and I will admit, I am not good at it. Mari-san, on the other hand, is a bargaining _queen_. Like, the girl is made for this work, she talks so smooth and yet is so steely. She has customers eating out of the palm of her hand. That girl is something else, and she's always on the look out for men, like, the amount of demure but calculating flirting that she does! Wow. I really want Mari-san to be my friend, because being her enemy looks like it would be a terrifying thing. Right now, she seems to like me, because whenever I get a difficult customer, she slips right in and takes over. Actually, she seems to enjoy the difficult ones. Crazy. And then there are thieves! Like, people, mostly children, try and swipe fruits and vegetables and when I witnessed it the first time I just froze, like, what did I do? Luckily, Jiro-san was there and handled the situation, but, I'm supposed to do that on my own? Mari-san says to just call out and it will deter most of them and they'll put it back or drop it, but like, I don't know if I can be so bold. I suppose I'll have to be, and get use to it, fast, because Jiro-san said by the end of the week, we girls are going to be running the stand without him. Like, this feels like a lot of responsibility just being handed off to me, but, okay.

I mean, it's not just me, so there's not _that_ much pressure, I guess. But I still feel very nervous. All I can do is take it one step at a time…and maybe I'll get somewhere. I go five days before another blackout episode. It's small, and embarrassingly happens while I'm at the stand with Mari, but it happens all the same. I blink and I'm sitting on a chair just inside the shop building, Mari is manning the stand on her own and there's a line forming, some people are starting to walk away. I stand quickly, and almost fall over because I get so dizzy, but I push through it and get over the stand as quickly as I can to help. Afterward, I apologize to Mari profusely, but she just pats me on the shoulder and tells me she's expecting this kind of thing to happen. Ouch. I'm not sure she means it as an insult, but it stings all the same and I'm feeling guilty. But, like, what can I really do? I don't know why I have blackouts and I can't see any obvious triggers for them. I start to keep a journal of the episodes, trying to write down everything I can remember about before and after. And that's how I go through life, waking up every morning, going either to the stand or doing housework, because I can't really trust myself to go run errands for Mai-san, with a notebook as my constant companion. As we all start to form a rhythm with our everyday workings, Jiro-san lets us swap places with each other as needed.

I'm never left alone at the stand with Kiki in case of a blackout episode, but Mari and Ako frequently switch out with each other to be with me at the stand. It helps that Mari likes being at the stand more than doing errands and housework, so she doesn't mind working the stand multiple days in a row. We make it through fall with only minor setbacks, and I feel like the blackouts are becoming less frequent. Maybe my brain is just starting the settle down with it's new arrangement, maybe being in Kiyo's body _will_ fix the blackout episodes. Winter comes and I'm surprised to find out that the market place stays open, though the hours are cut short because of lack of daylight. Apparently, there are still fruits and vegetables you can sell during the winter, who knew?

With winter comes even less blackouts, and the voice I hear, that I think of as the original Kiyo, though still present, is mostly quiet, seemingly content to let me live this life. I try to stay in the present moment, and stop thinking about who I am, who I _was_ , and focus more on who I _could be_ in this world. I make little notes in my blackout journal about things I remember about the Naruto world. Small things, things that no one would ever really make sense of, just little reminders about things to come. From what I have figured out, there's no war going on currently, but food is occasionally rationed, and there have been times when the stands around us, even our own, have very little to offer. In fact, there's very little product in spring, and it has everyone murmuring. At the stand next to us, I've become rather familiar with the owner, a stout, broad-shouldered woman by the name of Oda-san, and she likes to tell me all the market gossip. Who's selling what, who's doing well, or similarly, poorly, which grandpa has gout, that the meat stand's boy has the hots for the baker's daughter, but doesn't have the balls to ask her out to lunch. Not her words.

Summer comes and Oda-san congratulates me on going two months without a blackout, she's also been watching me, same as Mai-san. I feel like it's a small victory. And soon, it's been a year since we arrived in Konoha. Jiro-san and Mai-san throw us a small party to celebrate the occasion. We eat our celebration meal and chat among ourselves, and though it's tiring to keep up a happy appearance, Kiki is amusing in that she feels the need to recap everything that happened since we first showed up. Now all I have to do is wash, rinse, and repeat.


	6. Chapter 6

It's been three years this month. Three years since we walked all night into Konoha with hardly anything to our names. My blackouts are few and far between, and are more like a pesky bug bite than the terrors they felt like before. I still know next to nothing about fruits and vegetables, but I've gotten better at selling them and keeping up the stand. Along with Oda-san, I'm now known by almost all the other vendors, and it has become a harmonious daily life. I'm manning the stand with Ako today, and come noon, I spot Kiki and Mai-san heading our way, another woman is walking with them, and it's not Mari, she has a bundle in her arms. There's a ping in my heart, a bittersweet feeling when I realize that woman is carrying a baby.

 _Taro._

The familiar pain is there, but mellowed by the years. We wanted a family, and that's something that I will have to live without. I've learned little about _when_ I am in the Naruto timeline, I haven't seen anyone or had an event that has pointed me to any conclusion. Ako and I smile and greet them as they get nearer.

Mai-san introduces the woman as her niece-in-law, wife to her 'no good fool of a nephew.' Apparently, her nephew is trying to become a ninja.

"We haven't ever had a shinobi in our family before, and we probably won't anytime soon!" Mai-san huffs again as we get them set up in the shop, just a small table and a chair. Kimi-san, the niece-in-law, sits, looking as if sitting is a relief. She sheds the heavy looking bag she carried in, letting it sit on the tabletop. Kiki takes up the job of watching the stand as Ako and I coo over the swaddled baby.

"What's his name?" Ako asks as she strokes a finger through the soft, shiny, dark hair of the infant.

Kimi-san chuckles, "My husband named him Gai."

My smile freezes. I look from baby Gai to Kimi-san in disbelief, which she misinterprets.

"I know, I know. What a strange name, right? But it seems it's a family thing, right, Mai-san?"

"Hopefully he brings pride to the Maito name!" Mai-san puffs her chest out a little.

Maito…Maito Gai… Oh no. All the teachers from the series are, like, babies. I must be somewhere between the second ninja war and the third. About thirteen _years_ before the third ninja war, I think. What…what do I even _know_ about this time period? Nothing. I know absolutely nothing about this time in the series. But I also know EVERYTHING that is going to happen. At least, what I _can_ remember. I can feel the panic attack coming on. My chest is getting tight and my face is feeling cold. Maybe I'll faint instead. I need to calm down. I need to _process_. I can distantly hear squalling. I wonder what has baby Gai so upset. Maybe it's me?

Something hits the back of my heel. I look down and see an empty baby's bottle. I reach down and pick it up, though it feels like someone else is working the strings of my body here because I definitely didn't mean to pick the bottle up. I didn't _think_ about picking it up. In the process I turn and see that baby Gai isn't the baby squalling at all. It's coming from the street. A man is standing close to our booth, trying desperately to calm the crying baby, talking to it, as if to reason with it.

"Please stop crying, I just need to buy some formula and then I can feed you. You can hold on until them, right? It's not going to be that long, I promise."

The man keeps talking, but I can do is stare at his hair. His bright silvery hair. That is a Hatake if I ever saw one, and since I've never seen one in person, that's a really bold assessment. I mean, there could be tons of people in Konoha with hair that color, with an infant, and no mother in sight.

…That is probably, totally, Hatake Sakumo, and that baby in his arms is almost certainly Kakashi. Oh my gods, what have I stumbled into. This is terrifying. I mean, I've dealt with ninjas before by now, you can't go three years in Konoha and not run into at least one ninja. They seem fine, really. Just average people with superpowers. But this? Oh, this…this man looks like he's about to fall over into fetal position. And with everything I know? He probably is. I turn to Kimi-san like a robot and stare into her eyes.

"Kimi-san, could you spare some of your formula?"

We stare at each other for a time, I can't say how long, but she finally softens and digs through her bag for the container. I take it once she finds it and start to scoop powdered milk out as the instruction say, add some hot water from the kettle we put on for Kimi-san, then add some cooler water, testing it to get the right temperature. I'm capping it and shaking the bottle to mix it as I turn and head for the troubled Hatake. He notices me as I stop next to him. He stares at me quietly while his baby is freaking the hell out still. I take the cap off and test the temperature again on my wrist by dabbing the nipple against my skin. It's fine. I hold the bottle out to him.

"You dropped this. I filled it up."

 _WOW_. Can we be anymore astute? I'm an idiot. Give the man the bottle and leave quietly!

He takes the bottle and I can see baby Kakashi fuss for it. He looks pass me and I turn to see Kimi-san smiling and giving a nod. It doesn't take much for him to fit the nipple to baby Kakashi's mouth, who quiets instantly, making content suckling noises.

"…Do you have children?"

I startle. I'm still standing here! I don't know what my face does, but there's that pang again.

 _Taro._

"N-No," I can feel my face heating up, "I, um, I had many younger siblings and had to help take care of them."

Is that even TRUE? Can ninjas tell you're lying just by looking at you? I mean, we do apparently know how to make a bottle, but like, how many siblings do we have? Are any of them actually younger than me? Where ARE they? I can't answer these questions, and that's shady as fuck.

"His name is Kakashi."

I jolt from my thought. I must have been staring at baby Kakashi. I look up at Sakumo, but he's looking at his child fondly.

"Well, thank you for your kindness. Oh, and my name is Hatake Sakumo."

"Hello, my name is Kiyo," I bow.

IDIOT. What kind of response is that? Get _out_ of there! What in the ever-loving heavens are we _doing_? This is probably one of the _most significant_ characters in the series' development. _Get away_.

"Well, it's nice to meet you Kiyo-san," He gives me a smile.

"It is good to meet you as well, Hatake-san," I give another bow before turning and fleeing.

As I get back to the small crowd at the shop entrance, I turn and look back. He's gone, thankfully. But in front of me is a fate even worse.

"Kiyo-san," Ako is holding a hand to her reddening cheeks, "you're blushing a lot. And you were so bold…"

My face is _on fire_. Blushing is an understatement at least!

"What you did was very kind," Kimi-san assures me, "especially after all that man has gone through. I mean, losing your wife like that, and having to care for an infant?"

Ako and Mai-san make accompanying sympathy noises, but all I can do is stare at baby Gai in a similar way that I was staring at baby Kakashi. These are the characters I know, and they're infants, and I just talked to Sakumo. THE Sakumo. And he seemed so nice? What the heck? Isn't he supposed to be this great warrior and he's like, better than Tsunade, Jiraiya, and Orochimaru combined? And he can't handle an infant? No, actually, that makes a lot of sense. Killing people and child-rearing are not similar at all, though I'm sure while raising children you _want_ to kill people, so there's that benefit. But no, of course he has no idea what he's doing as a new father…and dealing with the loss of his wife at the same time? That's got to be horrible. I hope he has a support system he can rely on…

"Um…"

My head shoots up and I'm staring at Sakumo again.

"Do any of you know where to get baby formula?"

I can feel the group collectively step back for me. Bastards.

"You see, I normally don't do the shopping, but I spilled the container this morning, and the person who normally gets the formula is out of the village at the moment, and now we're out and while I'm very grateful to you helping me out, it seems I'm just a little lost here."

He gives me this absolutely disarming smile, looking so self-conscious and sincere.

"I, uh…"

"Kiyo-san knows where the market is," Kiki interjects, "she can take you there, right Mai-san? Since we're all here at the stand."

Kiki, you _traitor_.

"Yes, Kiyo-san, why don't you show him the way?"

Mai-san is also a traitor.

He's still smiling, but his eyes look sad. Might as well be a kicked puppy, with a look like that…

"Yes, I will gladly help you find the way."

Idiot. We're a total idiot.

"Thank you, Kiyo-san."

He motions me to lead the way, gently bouncy the swaddled baby in his arms. In truth, it's not a long way to the little market that sells goods like baby formula, but _I_ didn't have to be the one to take him. Ako was perfectly capable, or someone could have given him verbal directions… IDIOT, we could have just told him where to go! What is everyone thinking right now? I don't need to be here. I _shouldn't_ be here, not with _him_ of all people. It's bad enough that I just found out Mai-san is Maito Gai's great-aunt! What…what are the odds?

"Was that your family?"

His question pulls me from my spiraling thoughts.

"Um, no, the two younger ones are sisters, and it's their family… They just brought me along. Our village was caught in a skirmish, and we all immigrated to Konoha. The Yamamotos are just letting me stay with them for now."

"Oh? How long have you been in the village?"

I can feel the heat rise to my face again.

"Three years… But," I'm quick to add, "I've been saving my wages, and maybe soon I can repay them once I'm independent."

"Well, good for you," he smiles down at me. He's _really_ tall, compared to me, "Though it really isn't safe for a woman to be living on her own right now."

His chivalry was…cute. That's the only positive word I have for that kind of advice. I must be pouting a little, because he gave a small chuckle.

"Not to say you couldn't be independent," He shifted baby Kakashi in his arms, "but, you must have had to live with the Yamamotos for a reason…?"

"My husband passed away shortly before the village came under attack."

STUPID. Why don't you just tell him your whole life's story? Oh wait, we _don't remember it_. Why would you say something like that to him? He just lost _his wife_. _The mother of his child_! We don't need to talk about this with him!

"Ah, I am sorry, Kiyo-san," his expression sobering, "my condolences for your loss."

I swallow the lump in my throat. It's not like I can tell him the same, he hasn't told me about his wife.

"My condolences to you as well, Hatake-san. I have heard what people are saying, this kind of loss is a hard one."

…I'm an idiot. I wouldn't be surprised if he slapped me silly, or worse. That's so _invasive_ and so _unsolicited_ that I'm in shock over my own words. I wish he would just kill me and dump my body on the side of the road. If I could bury myself six-feet under right now I would. I should apologize profusely and hope I haven't offended him too much.

"Yes, the loss of a spouse is a hard thing, isn't it?"

He must see me nod, my lips tightly sealed. I hear him make a musing noise before launching into a detailed observance of the weather. Apparently, that's a super popular pastime in Konoha, talking about the weather. We come upon the market soon enough and I lead him through the aisles until we find the baby formula. I ask him what brand he usually keeps on hand, and we spend some time humming and hawing over the different brands until he finds the one that he recognizes. When he tries to juggle paying for the formula and holding baby Kakashi, he looks embarrassed to ask me if I can hold the baby for him.

I take baby Kakashi like I've just been handed a million-dollar porcelain doll. This human being ends up going through so much trauma and becomes one of the most powerful ninjas, and also teaches THE two most powerful ninjas in ninja history, _and_ becomes the sixth Hokage. I am holding a baby Hokage. Send help, I think my brain is going to break. Kakashi is one of my favorite characters in the series. I know almost everything about him, and here he is, _in my arms_ , an infant, who is currently blowing spit bubbles. I don't realize I'm swaying and bouncing a little until Sakumo touches my shoulder gently, bringing me to a halt. Baby Kakashi is carefully lifted from my arms and I almost miss the weight of him. Almost.

I'm ready to say my goodbyes to the Hatake boys, but Sakumo will not have anything to do with that.

"We can at least walk you back to the stand. I don't feel comfortable letting you go back on your own."

His words make me want to puff up and demand he not treat me like a child. But I stamp those words and feelings down. He's just trying to do a nice thing, plus, he's probably lonely, he said the person who normally helps him is gone right now. I settle for giving him a nod, and we head back to the produce stand.

When we get back, everyone is till there, and they all silently watch us, _bastards_.

"Thank you again, Kiyo-san, you have been very helpful to me today."

"I was glad to help, Hatake-san," I bow as I say this, and when I look up he's giving me another self-conscious smile.

"I hope you have a good rest of your day."

"Likewise," I straighten and give one last look at baby Kakashi, who's sleeping soundly.

Sakumo nods, and then disappears into the crowd. I turn and everyone is giving me _looks_ , even Kimi-san. I can't stop the blush, but I can refuse to talk about it. Besides, that was _never_ happening again, and I'll probably never catch sight of Sakumo for the rest of my life.


	7. Chapter 7

Life pretty much went back to normal after that. My routine didn't change except that I was apparently fit for Gai babysitting duties when Kimi-san wanted to go shopping herself or with Mai-san. Usually these days corresponded with the days I was on house duty with Kiki. It was easy really, Gai was not an energetic baby, believe it or not. Kiki and I would take turns trying to get him to smile with silly games that were all just variants of peek-a-boo. Gai was at the stage where he could crawl and stand up while being supported, and Kiki got ever annoyed that I tried so hard to get him to walk his own first steps. This baby was going to grow up to be a mighty taijutsu master, like, he needs to be on that shit. The most fun Gai seemed to have is when Kiki and I would build intricate structures with blocks, only to have Gai smack them apart, scattering blocks everywhere. Then we would pretend to cry and he would try to comfort us by trying to hand us a block. _Precious_.

These play dates happened about once a week, but I don't think it was doing Kimi-san any good, because she still looked haggard. I never said anything though, because, manners. But at one point that month, I did mention that Kimi-san looked very tired to Mai-san.

"Of course she looks tired! she's got a baby and that fool husband to deal with," Mai-san had exclaimed, but I could see the stress lines around her mouth. Her lips puckered a little when she was secretly worried about something, like my blackouts, so I knew she was actually _also_ worried. But, as I was learning, we apparently didn't talk about _those_ things. I can totally understand how Konoha ends up doing some shady shit, because their answer to all trouble seems to be "shove it as far down as possible and ignore it." Which, whatever, I can't change that. All I can do is work on not getting sucked into it, that is the only way I'm going to stay sane. But I did have some serious concerns for Gai. I don't think we ever saw anything on Kimi-san, which means either she wasn't that important, or she dies fairly early on in Gai's childhood.

I like Kimi-san. I really don't want her to die, but, at the same time, I don't know what to do about it. Eventually I file it away as something to think about later. Because, of all the things that don't really change, there is one flag that I'm deeply concerned about. Maybe I just never noticed him in the market before, but I seems I can't stop seeing Sakumo at the market. By the end of the month, he's coming to the stand regularly to purchase vegetables.

I'm a complete mess every time our eyes accidently meet and he just give me _this smile_ , like, why is he so _friendly_? I'm pretty sure we're not friends. You don't meet a guy once and become friends, at least, I don't. At the same time, I can't complain, because every time he stops by the stand, he lets me say hi to Kakashi, who is growing like a weed! I forgot that you blink and they go from needing their head supported to sitting up on their own. Babies are amazing, and they smell good, if the diaper is clean, mind you. Now, the problem, is Mari-san's knowing look. She's totally scheming. Which becomes clear when she gets home with Ako-chan.

"My, my. Guess who stopped by the stand today," Mari sits herself down next to me at the table where I am mending one of Jiro-san's shirts.

I give her a wary side-eye, "Who?"

"None other than your admirer, Hatake-san," She smiles.

I scoff.

"He's not my _admirer_."

The very thought of that is enough to make me light-headed. On one hand, yeah, he's a total DILF, and I haven't seen any action in literal _years_. At the same time, He's freshly widowed and I have had years to process my own grief, and he has a infant to think of. Not to mention the glaring fact…He _dies_. He commits suicide and I just…don't think I could go through that again. No, it's better if we keep our distance from each other.

"Well, for not being your admirer, he sure was disappointed that you weren't working the stand today…"

I turn and face Mari, who still has a smile on her face, the cat who got the cream.

"Mari-san, how's Shin-san?"

Mari's smile turns sour, "a low blow Kiyo-san."

Shin-san is a young man, a young _shinobi_ , who caught Mari's eye. A newly minted Chunin, Shin-san is apparently looking to climb the ladder a bit before settling down. Which makes complete sense to me, weddings and families aren't cheap. But Mari wants, well, she wants _out_ , I think. She's probably just as done as I am with living under the Yamamoto roof. Not to say Mai-san and Jiro-san aren't fabulous for taking us in for so long, but at a certain age, well, you want your freedom. In what ever form it takes. And to Mari, it's marriage. It's been a year and a half that Shin-san and Mari-san have been flirting and making eyes at each other. Sometimes he stops by on lunch to sit with Mari, when he's not on a mission.

It's adorable, really, but, they're just not on the same page, and that's hilarious. The current situation is their having a little lover's spat about it. Thus, Mari's sour expression. It didn't help that they got into the fight right before Shin-san had to leave the village on an extended caravan mission. I know Mari is feeling very insecure about the whole situation, but I know it will all work out in the end. A blind man could see that Shin-san is head over heels for Mari. Everyone BUT Mari can see that. She tries to only show a certain side of herself, all demure and gentle, when in reality she's a bloody shark, but ninjas aren't _all_ fools. I once caught Shin-san on a roof, watching Mari haggle with the dopiest look on his face. I think he likes that sharp, cunning side of her the most. No, they'll be fine, but maybe it's good for Mari to get a little lovesick.

Anyway, back to the pressing issue. Sakumo.

"You know, it wouldn't be a bad thing," Mari-san startles me out of my thoughts, "Hatake-san is a jonin, a famous one at that, and he already has a son, so you wouldn't have to ruin your figure and get pregnant, plus you actually _like_ taking care of babies, and he needs someone to look after his…you should just marry him."

My face must look as horrified as I feel, because Mari-san bursts out laughing.

"I mean it Kiyo-san! What's not to like?" Mari leans in and pokes my side with her elbow a little, "He's handsome and he's most likely well off. You could definitely do worse."

"Really, Mari-san, please leave Kiyo-san alone!"

It's Ako-chan to the rescue. Though her face is beat red, probably because she was listening the whole time.

"You'll understand some day Ako-chan," Mari nods sagely, "To find the right man is to find happiness."

Lesbians, but whatever.

"Really Mari-san, you're too bold," Ako laid a hand against her flaming cheek.

Oh man, if only Ako knew what I had just been thinking. I actually didn't know what this place thought of same sex relationships. I hadn't really seen any indication that they existed out in the open here, but I also hadn't heard about any ill feelings towards the subject…mostly because I've never heard anyone talk about it, and I hear about a lot at the marketplace. I can only imagine what would happen if I told Mari and Ako that I'm more in the market for a wife than I am a husband right now…yeah, I shouldn't say anything. But a girlfriend _would_ be nice. Someone to come home to, be intimate with, hold and cuddle and share, well, everything. _Anyone_ would be nice. Gender isn't the issue. I simply miss having that connection with someone, and, yeah, I get horny sometimes. But _Sakumo_?

No way. It's way too impossible anyway. There's no way that I would even be a blip on his radar for something like that. I bet he just feels sorry for me. The orphaned widow with little to her name, even after three years in the safe confines of the village. Though, if I thought the issue couldn't get anymore embarrassing, I was wrong.

The next day was my turn to go with Mari to man the stand. It was turning out to be another simple brisk day when I turned from the customer in front of me and came face to face with the Hatake family. Sakumo gave me an apologetic smile for reasons I didn't understand until he was pushed aside.

"So, _this_ is your vegetable girl, huh?"

My eyes caught the red fang streaks down the woman's cheeks and immediately peg her as an Inuzuka.

"Can…can I help you?" the question sounded like even _more_ of a question coming out of my mouth. Did I just get called "vegetable girl"? Mari was failing to hide her grin.

"No, probably not," The woman replies, "I didn't really come here to buy anything, I just want to come see what's so interesting for Sakumo to come by here all the time."

"And…you think that's me?"

"Well, are you the vegetable girl?"

"Hitomi-san," Sakumo was bright red and put a hand on the woman's shoulder, "Please, you're being rude to Kiyo-san."

"So, you _are_ vegetable girl."

Mari snorts as I blush.

"What would you have done if I hadn't been vegetable girl?" I ask.

"I would have moved on to the next girl," Hitomi-san jerks a thumb in Mari's direction, Mari, who is brightly discussing something leafy and green with a customer, pretending not to hear us at all.

"I see…" My eyes move back to this Hitomi. She's staring right back at me, looking very bored and very dangerous at the same time, "Are you a shinobi?"

A stupid question that I already know the answer to, but what else do you say in this situation?

"Mostly," she shrugs, "I take care of the pups in my spare time."

Either she means children, or actual puppies. Maybe both, now that I think about it, totally can't be ruled out. This is the moment that Kimi-san walks up.

"I'm so sorry," she bows at Sakumo and Hitomi-san, "Kiyo-san," she turns to me, "Can you take care of Gai for me this afternoon?"

I take Gai without thinking, and the loaded diaper bag Kimi-san is always carrying. I bet Dai stuffs it full every morning, that seems like a thing he would do. Though, actually, I've never met the man. I bounce Gai as he wraps his fist in my hair.

"Oh," Hitomi-san grins, "You know pups!"

"I, um…"

"Oh yes," Kimi-san smiles at me, "I don't know what I'd do without Kiyo-san's help with babysitting."

"You're that genin's wife, right?" Hitomi-san looks at Kimi-san, "Mieto-san or something?"

"Maito Dai, yes," Kimi-san gives a soft giggle, "that's my husband."

"You must be a real gem then," Hitomi-san winks and Kimi-san giggles again.

"They're both a lot to keep up with, certainly."

I extract my hair from Gai's mouth, "I can look after Gai for you Kimi-san, I can take him back to the house after lunch."

"Oh, thank you Kiyo-san," Kimi-san puts on her best smile and leans in to give Gai's hair a long kiss, "I'll see you at the house then."

I helped Gai wave goodbye to his mom as she got lost in the bustling crowd. I turned back and Hitomi-san was eyeing me differently now, though I can't place the look.

"Uh, excuse me," I turn to Mari, "Will you be okay if I get Gai set up in the shop?"

Mari waves her hand like it's no big deal, "I can handle it."

I nod my thanks and turn back to the two people in front of me, "I'm sorry, It was nice meeting you Hitomi-san."

Even though we hadn't been introduced at all.

"Likewise, vegetable girl."

I look to Kakashi and see he's awake and staring at Gai.

"Would you like to say goodbye to the baby, Gai?" I ask him and move towards Sakumo.

Gai looks at Kakashi as Sakumo gets the gist and moves him down so Gai can see from my arms. Gai lifts a hand in the air in front of Kakashi and up and closes his fist a few times.

"Bye-bye baby."

Kakashi wiggles restlessly in his swaddled blankets, but manages to free an arm. He stares at Gai's hand and makes a up and closing motion with his own fist.

"There, you see?" I smile at Kakashi, "Baby says good-bye too."

I reach out and offer a finger to Kakashi and he grabs it with his newly freed hand. I wiggle my finger a little in his grasp.

"It was nice seeing you baby Kakashi," She retract my finger and turn my smile to Sakumo, "and your father, even though he didn't buy anything."

Sakumo blushes, embarrassed, but gives me a nod.

Hitomi-san chuckles, "Well, come on Sakumo, you have to get back," she throws a look over her shoulder at me, "Bye vegetable girl!"

I turn my back and puff my cheeks. Why am I vegetable girl? And head over the the shop to get Gai setup on a blanket with toys.


	8. Chapter 8

For the rest of the week and the week after, Sakumo and baby Kakashi come to the stand everyday it seems. I _know_ Mari is for sure behind it, and I shudder to think Ako or Kiki might be involved, but my schedule ends up rearranging everyday so that I have to go work at the market. I am highly suspicious as it is, so I spot this trap a mile away, but have no idea how to get out of it without being rude. Mai-san's face gives nothing away, but I can _feel_ her watching the proceedings intently, and I may sense an air of approval. Fuck them all. I will not be married off! Especially not to a widower with an infant son, who's destiny is to _die_. Of course, it's not like I can site that as a reason to _not_ become involved with the Hatake family; I'm not supposed to know about that, seeing as it hasn't happened, YET.

I smile and hand two heads of cabbage over to the woman in front of the stand. I glance up and see Hitomi-san in the crowd, she sees me too and calls out a greeting. I wish she would stop calling me Vegetable Girl, I can even feel the capitalization now. Hitomi-san also has been showing up at my end of the market frequently, asking me about where I learned how to look out for 'pups,' and how many years I've been caring for children, and who do I currently babysit for, etc., etc. I don't understand why she's prying, but it makes me sweat, big time. It terrifies me to think of the moment she's going to ask me a personal question that I can't answer, but every time she shoots a question at me, I answer automatically. So far, no one has corrected me, so I can only assume some hind-brain is answering for me and I'm channeling Kiyo's memory bank without having it crack and spill everywhere in my psyche.

I sell six more heads of cabbage and a yam before I spot the shining pale hair of Sakumo off in the crowd, heading my way. Of course. I chance a look at Ako-chan standing next to me, and what do you know, she's also staring at Sakumo. She glances at me, to find me staring her down, and she startles and blushes. She's SO in on this. Ako-chan, how could you betray me?

"Um, Kiyo-san, I think I left something in the shop, um, I'll be right back."

I watch her scuttle away, leaving me alone at the stand, and coincidently, alone with Sakumo. Sans baby Kakashi, of course. But, he's a baby, he doesn't really count yet, not until he has the ability to say something horribly awkward. Like, like…

"Good morning Kiyo-san," Sakumo greets me. He shifts the sling across his chest that holds Kakashi.

"You made it just in time to say that," I note the time, it's ten 'til noon, "How are you this morning Hatake-san?"

"So far the day has been kind to me," Sakumo smiles that infuriatingly honest smile, "You know, we talked about this before, but you don't have to call me Hatake-san."

"Sakumo-san," I give him my best impression of a dead fish, "what can I get you today?"

He just laughs at me, "you are very cute, Kiyo-san."

It's not even a blush, it's feels like I'm red all over, my heart is picking up speed and it's either going to explode or run itself into a ditch. I clench at my chest and double over to the side. How could he? How could he say such a thing? To a young woman no less!

Ako-chan sees me, I suspect that she's been watching this entire time, damn her, and she comes rushing up.

"Kiyo-san! Here, please sit," She brings one of the small chairs from the shop and has me sit down, "Are you feeling okay? Should I get you some water?"

"No," I manage to get out, now the embarrassment is causing the heat in my face, "I'm okay."

"Do you suffer from a weak constitution?"

I jump, as Sakumo is now right by my side. Ninjas! Walk and move normally, please, my heartrate can't take this kind of workout.

"Um, no, nothing like that," I try to do everything to combat the blood rushing to my face.

"I thought you were going to faint there for a second," he chuckles nervously.

Anyone with working genitals would! Does he not know the effect he has on people? Maybe he does, and he's _teasing_ me!

"Please never say such a weird thing again, Sakumo-san," I manage to get out between deep calming breathes.

"Eh?" The man has the nerve to look at me with confusion.

"Here, Kiyo-san," I take the glass of water from Ako-chan, "Drink this."

"Thank you Ako-chan, I'm fine, really."

"Don't get up from that chair until you've drank all that water," she tells me firmly, "Hatake-san, will you make sure she does that?"

"Of course," he looks nervous again, but continues smiling.

"Right," Ako nods, "I can cover the stand for a bit by myself."

And with that, she left me alone with Sakumo, AGAIN. I'm tempted to chug the whole glass of water in one go, _just_ because. Instead, I take a sip and try to calm myself down. Might as well use the break for what it's for. Kakashi comes awake next to me with a soft, sweet baby yawn.

"Ah, someone's finally up from his nap," Sakumo smiles down at baby Kakashi, "He fell asleep on the walk over here, not even the crowds woke him."

"That's a surprise," I look at baby Kakashi as well. I watch him struggle to free his arm, and reach down to help him. Baby Kakashi grips two of my fingers in his hand in what is possibly a thank you, before letting go and swinging his freed limb around like there's a parade going on.

Both Sakumo and I laugh at baby Kakashi as he flails his arm and blows spit bubbles. At some point I wonder if Sakumo is getting tired of squatting at my height, but I feel weird bringing it up. Plus, he's like a, totally badass ninja, right? So, he can probably hold a squat for a few minutes.

"Has he been sleeping better at night?" the question pops out of my mouth before I can censor it.

"A bit better," Sakumo says and shifts his weight, "He's only waking up a couple times during the night now."

"Good," I can't help but smile, it must be such a relief for Sakumo.

"I can't speak for every night though," Sakumo chuckles again, but this time it feels a little sad, "Hitomi-san is watching him when I'm away on missions, when she can spare the time."

"You're going on missions already?" I blurt out, and then quickly bit my tongue. It's not any of _my_ business!

"The village needs me," is all he says, never looking away from baby Kakashi.

 _Baby Kakashi needs you too_. It's what _I_ think, but don't say. It's not my place. I finish my water quickly and stand up, Sakumo stays squatting and watches me for a moment. I place my hands on my hips.

"So, what did you want to get this time?" I ask him.

He smiles and stands up, "Well I was hoping for a recommendation, actually. We're looking to expand Kakashi's taste in vegetables, he doesn't seem to really like sweet things, so no fruits today."

"Well then," I fidget with my skirt a little bit, "let's go take a look and see what looks appetizing."

Sakumo gives me that smile again, "Alright. Thank you, Kiyo-san."

I'm blushing, I can feel it, "You're welcome, Sakumo-san."

Once we close up the stand and head home for the night, Ako-chan scurries away to Mari-san's side at the house. As I watch her disappear into the kitchen where Mari and Kiki are finishing up dinner, I head over to the table where only Mai-san sits. Jiro-san is away on one of his trips to the farms around the Country of Fire. Mai-san is drinking a cup of tea, and seeing it, I wish I had thought to get a cup of tea from the kitchen before I sat down. Oh well. It would be weird to get up at this point, right? I fold my hand in my lap so she can't see my fidgeting.

"Mai-san, how was your day?"

"Hm?" Mai-san looks up from her tea.

"Is everything okay?" Mai-san isn't usually absent-minded, so of course now I'm a little worried.

"Of course," Mai-san straightens and takes a sip of her tea.

I nod and repeat my earlier question.

"How was your day, Mai-san?"

Mai-san launches into a vibrant description of her day and I nod along, really just needing someone to fill the silence. My mind can't help it, it wanders to thoughts of Sakumo. I wonder if he's having dinner now, how he and Kakashi fair during this time of day. Is it a happy time? I hope so. I'd love to see baby Kakashi giggling over the kabocha squash they got today. I'd love to see Sakumo giggle, I bet that's a sight…

I jerk upright.

No, no, no. No imagining Sakumo giggling. No imagining Sakumo anything!

"Is something wrong?" Mai-san asks with a look I can't decipher.

"No," I probably say too sharply, "Nothing's wrong."

"Good," she's still looking at me though, and I can't stop myself from blushing.

"Food is ready!" Ako calls.

"Why don't you go help them bring dinner out," Mai-san is now giving me a completely different look, it reminds me of something akin to smug.

"I will," I shoot up and escape to the kitchen.

It's a bit tight with four of us in the kitchen, but we manage to plate and carry out the food without any accidents. I finally get my cup of tea. We're all munching away quietly with small conversation floating around us, it's very peaceful and homey. So, of course, Mari as to butt in and ruin my calm.

"I'm told Hatake-san came by the stand today again," she smiles at me.

I feel attacked. Ako-chan blushes.

"Oh? He's becoming one of our top customers," Mai-san replies innocently enough.

I feel doubly attacked. But I will play their game.

"Yes," I reach for my tea, "He said he's looking for new vegetables to try out on his son. I sold him one of our Kabocha."

"A fine choice," Mai-san nods approvingly.

"I thought so too," I take a sip of tea.

"What else did he want?" Mari-san smirks from behind her own cup.

"He did help Kiyo-san when she had a moment," Ako pipes up, "I thought she was going to faint."

I glare at them both. A triple attack! Not Ako too!

Mai-san frowns and turns to me, "Is this true?"

"I wasn't going to faint," I huff, "And it wasn't a blackout. I just," I squirm a little, "it just…I just got a little too hot all of a sudden, that's all."

Ako-chan stares at me and blushes, Mari and Mai-san share a look, which again, looks a little smug. I wish I could dig a hole and bury myself in it.

"It was kind of warm today," Kiki mentions in between bites of rice, she seems to be completely oblivious to all the looks being passed around.

It takes all my strength to not bury my face in my hands and try to hide from all of it. This is far too embarrassing. Is it possible to die from embarrassment?

"Maybe Hatake-san is just a little lonely," Ako murmurs, but we all hear her.

"He's not lonely," I respond immediately, "he has Hitomi-san."

Ako-chan smiles at me while Mari-san gives me a dead look.

"That's true, Hitomi-san is very lively after all."

"That she is," I smile.

The discussion of Sakumo ends and I feel like it is a victory in my favor. After dinner we all wash and dry the dishes and head upstairs to start baths, it's Mari's turn to go first this time. When it's my turn to soak, I take my time and savor the quiet bathroom. These are some of the only times I get to be by myself. The only problem is I'm also left alone with my thoughts. That Sakumo is already going out on missions for the village concerns me. What about Kakashi? Who is watching him while Sakumo's away? He must not be going on very long missions, because I see him all the time…

I slip lower into the bath water and blow little bubbles. It's really none of my business. But, if I _can_ make a difference, I would want Kakashi to have a better childhood. If I can make sure that he'll have someone there for him, maybe things will turn out for the better? Or maybe I'll mess the entire timeline up and the world will be destroyed. Then again, the world basically almost gets destroyed anyway, so what's wrong with trying to make sure that everyone has healthy coping mechanisms? But then again, getting close to Kakashi means getting close to Sakumo. Which, okay, _yes_ , I would love to get to _know_ Sakumo. But the fucker _dies_ , and I don't have the best track record of helping people who are struggling with depression, or really any mental illness. I swish the water around in front of me, frustrated. I can at least be honest with myself; I don't want Sakumo to die. The problem is, I don't see how it can be avoided. I simply don't have that power.

I get up and towel myself dry before pulling the plug from the tub's drain. I comb out my hair, which has gotten quite long, I should have Ako-chan help me cut it, and then grab the hairdryer. Leaving the bathroom behind and dressed in my pajamas, I pause when I hear knocking from downstairs. Nobody's asleep yet, so it doesn't surprise me when Kiki-chan pops her head out from our room.

"Who'd be coming over at night?" She asks me, like I would know.

I shrug and head downstairs, I meet Mai-san on the way down.

"Who would call at this hour?"

It's the question everyone's asking, but I still don't have an answer. The knocking sounds a little more incessant now. Mai-san and I go to the front door. I can hear the others on the stairs behind me.

"Do you think it's Jiro-san?" asks Ako-chan.

"Why would he be knocking?" Mari-san shoots back, scathing.

Mai-san opens the door and in front of us is Sakumo Hatake, in his flank jacket, with baby Kakashi asleep in his arms, looking like he's about to go to war. Behind him is Hitomi-san. I am immediately terrified.

"Hatake-san," Mai-san speaks first, "What is going on?"

"I'm sorry to disturb you so late," there's a different air about him than when he visits the stand, "But I have a request."

"Don't take forever," Hitomi-san calls to him, "We have to get moving."

"I was wondering if Kiyo-san could look after Kakashi," Sakumo addresses Mai-san and then looks to me. I am mildly embarrassed that he's seeing me in my pajamas.

"What's going on?" I hear myself ask.

"Hitomi has requested that I join her team on a mission. With her and I on the mission together, there's no one to watch Kakashi," he explains, "Kiyo-san is the only person we could think of to watch him."

"Me?" I ask, as Mai-san says; "This is very short notice."

"Yes," I don't know which of us Sakumo is answering, "I humbly ask for your assistance."

Mai-san turns to me, "Well?"

I start a little, "Um, of course, I have no problem watching him for you," I say to Sakumo.

He seems to deflate a little, "Wonderful, I brought the diaper bag, it should have everything you need until we get back," he unslings one of the packs he's carrying.

"Hurry it up!" Hitomi-san calls out again, we can barely see her in the dark.

I take the diaper bag Sakumo hands me and then he's shifting and slipping a sleepy baby Kakashi into my arms. I tuck the weight of him close to my chest.

"Thank you," Sakumo looks at me so keenly that I almost can't hold the eye contact.

"Anything for Kakashi-chan," I blurt out.

He smiles at me, and I feel a little more secure, like he's still the same person I see on my days at the stand. And then, he's giving us a nod and he and Hitomi-san disappear. They're just… gone. Freaking ninjas, man. Mai-san closes the front door and turns to look at me. I don't know what I'm supposed to say or do, but baby Kakashi starts fussing, trying to stretch in the blanket he's swaddled in. I start that automatic baby sway as he gives out a hiccup. Mai-san sighs.

"Well, let me get out the guest futon and we'll set you two up in the living room," she goes to the closet next to the stairs and begins to pull out blankets and the aforementioned futon. I knew there was a futon somewhere in the house!

Kiki-chan comes down and helps Mai-san set up the living room. I set down the diaper bag and stare down at baby Kakashi. He stares right back at me, which is new, and scrunches his face up to start crying. This doesn't bode well.


	9. Chapter 9

Let it be known that baby Kakashi was NOT an easy baby. Within five minutes of being in my care, baby Kakashi was crying, had vomited all over me, and was now smelling like death. All the tricks that are tried and true for baby Gai where a complete disaster with Kakashi. I made space and prepared to change what might be the smelliest diaper I had ever changed. Kakashi let out a squall at being laid out on a blanket. Apparently, that was an offense. I could feel sweat beading at my temples, this was not going well.

"Have you tried giving him a bottle?" Kiki-chan asks as she crouches down next to me, fresh diaper in hand. The saint.

"He just threw up," I try to make quick work of the dirty diaper, willing Kakashi to behave while this all goes down.

"So, maybe he's hungry now."

The logic seems sound, but weren't babies just tiny humans? Vomiting meant nausea and nausea meant food was a Bad Idea TM. Right?

"Let's wait a bit," is my only verbal response.

I have this, I can do this, some part of my brain knows what it's doing…Right?

I try a vaguely abortive autopilot mode to see if anything just…happens. Nothing does, hopefully no one noticed my weird pause mid diaper change.

"You've got this Kiyo Senpai," Kiki makes a fist and gives me, what I can only assume is an encouraging head nod.

I think she's being as supportive as she knows how in this situation. The senpai remark was nice.

Diaper changed, Kakashi is still wailing.

I pick him up and start rocking and patting. That's what you do with babies, right?

Kiki-chan takes the discarded dirty diaper in hand and whisks it away. Bless her soul.

As I sway and bounce, it may be my imagination, the din baby Kakashi is making seems to decrease in volume. Kiki-chan nods along encouragingly, I think she's also experiencing my hallucination, and mouths, 'keep it up, senpai.' Maybe she actually said it aloud, I don't think I'd be able to hear her with a screaming baby next to my ear. I heft the bulk of baby Kakashi more securely against my shoulder and try to take it into overdrive. I'm sure I look like some carnival ride gone mad, but it does seem to drop the level of noise baby Kakashi is making. Maybe it's working…Or maybe I'm just making him too dizzy to scream properly. When I slow down, though, the volume kicks right back up again, and I can't see this ending well. For me, anyway.

Kiki-chan gives me a thumbs up and heads back upstairs. I want to yell after her, please don't leave me! But, the thought of talking when I've managed to get the screaming down to constant sobbing, seems like a bad idea right now.

It feels like forever, but I keep my pace as best I can. The shoulder of my pajamas is soaked with spit and tears. Mostly baby spit, though. Baby Kakashi is slumped against said shoulder, making only soft crying noises now. I pull him back to take a look at his face. Make sure he didn't burst anything. His eyes settle on my face and his face scrunches together as the crying starts up anew. I quickly tuck his face back into my shoulder and pick up the pace again with a sigh.

Does…does he not like me?

I've like, been around him enough, haven't I? I even hold him sometimes at the vending stand! Never has he ever given me any indication that he _hates me_ this much! And I had literally just decided to try and help him have a better childhood! So ungrateful… I shake my head a little, minding his little head. The silvery tufts on his head brush my cheeks as I do so. They're so incredibly soft.

I reach my hand up to smooth it over the crown of his head. When that doesn't lead to screams of protest, I do it again. And again. Kakashi gurgles and makes the saddest cooing noises. I go from petting his soft baby hair to rubbing gentle circles on his back. The sad cooing continues. My movements aren't so exaggerated now, but I've got the rhythm down that Kakashi seems to like, since he's not cranking up the volume now. Or it's possible that he just tired himself out. I don't take any chances, refusing to stop the looping motions of my body. Baby Kakashi is gumming at the wet fabric at my shoulder, still making big sad cooing sounds with each breath.

Me too, buddy. Me too.

My muscles are starting to ache and I have to pee, but now that he's quieted, I can't for the life of me figure out how to put him down. I walk like some weird duck to the bathroom, then just stare at the toilet while I rock Kakashi. How does this work? How do parents go to the bathroom when they have a baby? Do I rock him on the toilet? Magical wisdom, please come to me now, because I don't want to choose between everybody's ears and my bladder. Kakashi is a mess anyway. I'm going to have to clean us both up eventually.

I strain to keep the silver tufts of hair in my vision as I slow my movements even more, waiting for the hiccupping coos to crank up into squalls. Baby Kakashi's fists tighten on my pajama shirt, and I take away one hand. He squirms and fusses a bit, but we're not back to square one and I have a free hand. Great. Excellent. Now what do I do?

"Get your pants down, just find a way to pull your pants down, Kiyo, and we're home free," I mutter to myself.

I twist and shimmy a bit while pulling at my pants. It's actually quite easy once I start. Baby Kakashi doesn't seem to mind the motions at all, his hands clenching and unclenching at the worn fabric of my shirt while I try to hold him steady with one arm. Finally, I free myself enough that I can pee. I try to make it really quick, as I sit the fussing starts up anew, so I put that free hand back on duty to petting and patting at Kakashi. Then I sit on the toilet like an idiot, because, now how do I get my pants back up?

Kiki-chan pops her head around the corner right as I'm exiting the bathroom, pants blessedly back on and Kakashi still attached to my shoulder.

"Kiyo-san," Kiki-chan yawns, "How are you doing?"

"I'm doing great," I whisper over Kakashi's head.

My feet hurt like crazy and my back is dying.

"Okay, I knew you had this Senpai," Kiki-chan smiles while rubbing at her sleepy eyes before turning and heading back the way she came.

The smile stays in place until I'm positive she's gone, and then I sag a bit, because, who am I kidding? I am so not doing great. I sigh and rub my cheek against Baby Kakashi's hair, willing him to settle into sleep. Are rocking chairs a thing? Why doesn't Mai-san have a rocking chair? I bet both Kakashi and I could get some sleep in a rocking chair. I grunt a little when his foot bangs into my stomach and he stops sucking on my shirt to whine. The pull of saliva-soaked fabric against my skin is gross, but it was worth it if it kept Kakashi quiet. Now, he's making noise and pulling at my pajama shirt, maybe a bottle? I make what I hope are soothing noises back at him as I walk us over to the diaper bag.

I pull out a bottle and some formula. Right. My head bobs as I try to reassure myself. If I can pee with one hand, I can make a bottle with one hand, easy, right? Right. In the kitchen, I set up the kettle to get some water boiling. I take my time moving everything I need into the kitchen, stopping here and there to hush Baby Kakashi when I forget to sway as I walk. Though, I don't seem to need to move as much anymore to get him to calm down. Which, is awesome, but I can't tell if he's just getting tired, or if we've forged some kind of baby-bond and maybe now he'll love me forever. I hope it's that. The whistle of the kettle brings me out of my thoughts.

Carefully, I scoop some formula powder into the bottle, measured as best I can with one hand, and then lift the kettle, pouring hot water into the mix. I spill water everywhere, jumping back as to not get hot water all over my pants and feet, and Kakashi jerks in my arms. I quickly put the kettle down and check him over as he fusses, I luckily didn't splash him with any of the hot water, and try to calm him again. We've got this. Simple. Almost done.

Grabbing a towel to wipe up the spilled water, I can't help but wonder when Sakumo will be back. Is this like, a long mission? The diaper bag is packed for like, multiple days. Is this going to be a multiple day thing? I knock the handle of the kitchen faucet back and let the water run cold before dipping the open bottle under the stream. It seems kind of weird to leave your kid with a stranger for a long period of time. Am I a stranger, though? I chew my lip as I screw on the nipple to the bottle. I _should_ be a stranger. What if I'm becoming a not-stranger? What's a not-stranger? An acquaintance? A _friend_? Oh man… I can feel myself blush as I shake the bottle to mix the contents. There's no way we're friends. Hitomi is Sakumo's friend. I'm just…Vegetable Girl. An acquaintance, then. Purely an acquaintance.

I watch the bubbles rise and pop at the top of the bottle, having set it down on the counter, Kakashi and I cooing at each other. He'll come back soon. I know it. There's no way he'd leave me with Kakashi for long.

"He probably won't be gone more that 24 hours," I murmur into Kakashi's hair, "He'll be back before we know it, you'll see."

Kakashi lets out a low whine and bangs a slobbery fist against my chest.

"Right, let's see if you're hungry."

Baby Kakashi takes the bottle greedily. Maybe it's the lack of sleep at this point, but I feel almost mesmerized as I rock us back and forth while Kakashi and I stare into each other's eyes. On one hand, I can tell a part of me is getting very goopy and stupid over his baby stare and his baby mouth suckling away and just his general baby face. I don't know if it's me, Kiyo, or just this body's current wiring, but one of us has the baby-bug _bad_. On the _other_ hand, even I can tell that there's something weird about the way that Kakashi is looking at me. I wouldn't go so far to say it was _calculating_ , but maybe somewhere on the spectrum? He looked like… almost like, he is, _absorbing_ information.

Now, my memories are, to put it frankly, fucked, so, even though I have a gut feeling I studied infant development at one point, I can't really be one hundred percent sure about that shit, either way, the knowledge feels weak, in the way that time tends to erode all passing memories. The point being, I don't recall if babies are supposed to be this aware, or if they _can_ be as aware as I _think_ Kakashi is. It's totally possible that I'm just projecting his future genius personality onto his baby self. I mean, at what point do you start to notice a tiny human is a genius?

I squint down at Kakashi as he continues to drink his bottle. Kakashi squints back up at me, but continues to suckle. I don't know what freaked out face I make, but I know I make one as I quickly break eye contact and try not to over-think this shit. Baby genius or not, Kakashi needs people to care for him and help him grown up with actual _healthy_ coping skills, if he's to be one of the greatest shinobi of all time and help save the world. I feel like my throat is closing up at the thought, so I try and swallow, like I can just swallow all the panic and pressure down. This is a lot. What am I even doing? The urge to chuck Baby Kakashi out the window and run is strong for a nano second.

A tiny, warm hand latches onto my pinkie finger so we're both holding the bottle now. I look down and realize he's done and trying to remove the rubber nipple from his slobbery maw. The empty bottle gets set next to the sink, I'm too tired and have no free hands to wash it. I situate Kakashi so I can burp him and continue to walk around the main floor. As I patted away and waited for air bubbles and spittle, I eye that futon like a starved animal. Words can not describe how badly I want to lay down right now, like, I just remember Sakumo always looking beat whenever he made an appearance in the Series, so I just assumed that was his face, but maybe the dude is just tired because he does this all the time… I've never thought to ask him if he's sleeping enough. Do acquaintances ask each other about sleeping patterns and habits? That feels like a personal thing.

Kakashi makes these adorable baby burps and there's some spit up too. Luckily, after he puked all over me the first time, Kiki found the spit up rags in the diaper bags and we had set them out within easy reach, ready to use afterwards, so now, with one snuggly sandwiched between my shoulder and Kakashi's mouth, my now nasty pajama shirt won't be getting any grosser. The correct thing to do is probably wash up and change clothes before laying down on the temporary bed set up, but I'm so tired, and Kakashi is looking like he's starting to doze off as well. Finally.

Cautiously, I crab walk over to the futon, because it feels like if I move directly towards it, something will definitely prevent me from laying down. I circle the futon as Baby Kakashi makes snuffling noises against my shirt collar. It'll be fine. I just need to become horizontal on the comfy, soft spot and take Kakashi with me without disrupting whatever calm he's starting to find. I can do this. I've survived this far into the night…Morning? What time is it anyway? Does it matter? I just want to sleep… Easing down to my knees, I pause to make sure Baby Kakashi doesn't object. No crying, so good so far. It's as I try to shift onto my elbow to lay down that he starts fussing. No, gods, no, I'm so close.

I sit back up and try to soothing him with hushed words of reassurance.

"I just need to lay down and get some sleep, we both will, it'll be great, you'll see. Please, I beg you Kakashi, let me get a _little_ sleep."

I try again, but he continues to fuss as we start to go horizontal.

"Vertical is not a good sleeping position, you can't tell me you need to be held the whole time you're sleeping. That's not practical…"

Oh geez, now that I think about it, am I supposed to sleep with him on the futon? What if I roll on top of him while I'm sleeping? That's, like, a huge problem, isn't it? Infant asphyxiation is definitely a thing that happens when you sleep on the same surface. Or is it? I can feel my face pull into a weird face as I try to figure out if this fear is from Before memories, or "Kiyo" memories. Obviously the futon was set out for _sleeping_ , but there wasn't any attempt to make two separate spaces for adult (me) sleeping and infant (Baby Kakashi) sleeping. Of course, the Yamamoto's wouldn't have a crib laying around anyway. They've never had any children of their own. Babies don't hang out here. Well, now they kind of do. I stare at Kakashi's drooping eyes. I guess since I started this unofficial babysitting thing, babies do kind of hang out here. Gai's here all the time. But, during his naps, he just snuggles into the pile of blankets I set up for him. I don't sleep with him…because naps for us totally responsible adults, doesn't really exist in this life. It's really unfair, actually…

Okay, well, maybe I can make a little nest for Baby Kakashi. That should prevent any serious problems, right? I'm still sitting seiza style, because, yeah, good idea, but HOW? I managed with one hand before…Oh gods, I can't think about going to the bathroom right now, I don't need that complication. Maybe I can try putting Baby Kakashi down first? Hmm…

I pull Kakashi away from my body. He baby-grumps, but he doesn't start screaming. Win.

"Get ready, Tiny Kakashi," I try to keep my tone mellow, "You're a naturally independent soul, right? You may be a dog person, but you're definitely a cat at heart, everything I know about you says this is Fact."

And yet, the further away from me he gets, the more he starts up with the fussing, the squirming, and the whining. No! I will not give in! It takes more inner strength than I would have ever thought, but I don't pull him back close. I keep lowering him until his back is resting on the futon. And in that moment, his eyes spring open. I freeze under a look that shouldn't come for a baby so small still, because he shouldn't be able to _see_ see me, I _should_ just be a blurry blob to him, right?! But, Baby Kakashi looks me dead in the eyes, and let's out the most pitiful mewling sound. I don't even register my own movements, but he's suddenly tucked back under my chin, and I'm probably holding him a tiny bit too tight, but he's snuffling against me again, and he seems to be ready to fall asleep again.

What?

How did he…? Am I being manipulated by an infant?

I try again, but I only manage to detach him from my shoulder before his eyes peek open and he makes that mewling noise again, and I swear it's like a punch to the ovaries. I. Can't. Let. Go. Of. Him. Nothing in me will let him leave my hold with that sound. Is this some weird human auditory signal? It makes me want to snatch him up and squeeze him. It's so adorable it's alarming. It's definitely baby for 'don't leave me,' and I don't know how to combat it. There are a few more aborted attempts, and now I'm sweating. I don't really know why, but it's a bit panic inducing.

Competition between myself and a baby was never something I would have imagined, and maybe the problem is that I'm not really stubborn enough to win any competition, so, that means…

I let myself sag physically, because, I can't even. Baby Kakashi will be the victor, if he isn't already. Crap.

My legs are starting to tingle with the angle I've been sitting on them for so long. So, with Baby Kakashi tucked close enough that his silver tufts of hair tickle my chin, I look around for a solution. Well. There was a wall. I could… I can't contain my sigh as I realize what I'm seriously going to do for a little rest.

I wobble over to one of the living area's walls, and scoot until my back is resting against it. I say fuck it to dignity and let my legs sprawl out in front of me. I let my head fall against the wall and try to tell myself that I'm an adult and I make the decisions…

And then I'm jolting awake to the sounds of soft hiccups and scratching infant hands.

What the…

I left the lights on, is the stupid thought I have as I blink to try and clear my head. The hiccupping cries are getting louder.

"Hey, hey," I murmur (mumble), "What's wrong, what do you need?"

I brush my finger's over his plump cheeks, and he tries to latch onto one of my fingers.

"Seriously? You can't be hungry again, can you?"

I shift Kakashi, and notice that the diaper is most certainly used. Great. How do I do this? What do I do first? My eyes slide over to where he's now gumming at my offered knuckle. I need two hands for a diaper change. Especially without Kiki-chan to help… Bottle first. Cool. The noises my joints make as I struggle away from the wall and into a standing position could either mean I'm dying, or I'm going to die soon. Either way, the end result is death, because the body should not make those sounds.

I babble meaningless things to Kakashi as we wait for hot water, then the mixing, then the waiting for bubbles to dissipate. It's a full bottle again, but he sucks it down like he's starving. Crazy. Babies are incredible. Shit, I need to make sure he's burped before I change his diaper now, huh? Baby Kakashi makes more sad sounds as I try to find the spit rags. His sad sounds aren't getting louder as we fumble along, but they aren't stopping.

I go to lay him down for a change, but the sounds are now MUCH louder as I try to let go of him.

"My baby boy, I cannot hold you and change you at the same time. I don't have that many hands. Please, I'm begging you, _work with me_."

His sad sounds turn into legitimate cries as I try to place him on the changing blanket again, "oh for fuck's sake, you can't sit in this dirty diaper and be sad forever, so you're going to have to just bare this offense…"

I let go of him and Baby Kakashi let's out what I can only think to call a squall. I'll just have to be fast. Lucky me, I'm apparently very skilled at diaper changing, because I DO get it done fast. As I neatly ball up the used one, I keep my eye on Baby Kakashi, who is very, truly, offended by having to lay on the changing blanket in a fresh diaper. Maybe…maybe I could just leave him there to cry…it's not so bad, I can handle the noise…

I glance up at the stairs, and my guilt is too immense. I can't wake everyone by letting him cry like this.

"Shush, shush, it's okay, I've got you," I cradle Baby Kakashi close and try to give my arms some bounce as I let him know he's in someone's arms again.

He settles down into baby arm punches and sad sniffles, and then opens those way-too intelligent eyes and looks at me. My heart stops as I feel like history might repeat itself and he'll start bawling when he registers me. Instead, he blinks slowly like the weird infant he is, and turns his face into my shirt to make sad cooing sounds again.

BABY-BOND?!

I pet my hand over the crown of his head as I stare on in awe. This is it. We're bonded for life. The strange baby-bond is formed and he'll love me forever. He has accepted me. I shouldn't be smiling as I shift to lean against the wall again, but I am.

Five. More. Times. Five more times, Kakashi wakes me with scratching and infant blubbering to feed and change again. I don't understand how he just keeps drinking down the formula. Will he get sick? That thought crosses my mind with every feeding, but Baby Kakashi acts like I haven't given him _enough_ each time. After the third time, I stop worrying so much and just try to get through the motions with my eyes mostly open. It's a struggle for sure, and I'm pretty sure I do a lot of it with my eyes closed anyway. I can say with honesty, I don't think "Kiyo" or I have done this ourselves, personally, before, but the knowledge, the sort of automated body responses I develop, lead me to believe that one of us knows what we're _supposed_ to be doing, somehow. There's knowledge, but no stamina. I have never run this particular race before, but in theory, I know the route. It's awful. Babies are awful.

I practically leap to my feet from sleeping, sitting up, against the wall. I don't know why I woke into full panic, until I realize Kakashi is not in my arms. My head is whipping around wildly before I notice that everyone is down here with me. Kiki-chan and Mai-san are at the table with Baby Kakashi, in fact, Kakashi is snuggled up with Kiki-chan as she tries to feed him something mushy. He doesn't look particularly ecstatic about what I suppose amounts to gruel being pushed at his mouth.

The Betrayal. Why did I have to go through such trials to form the Baby-Bond, when he readily clings to Kiki? The grumpy thought of maybe Kiki-chan should marry Sakumo and be done with it crosses my mind, before I make an obvious ick face. Kiki is a precious baby and should not be with men until she is 50, it is decided, I will defend her honor until death. Ako-chan walks into the living area while I'm making my ick face and misinterprets it.

"Ah, Kiyo-san, you're awake! I imagine you want to clean up and change. Please do so now, we'll watch Kakashi-chan. Mari-san should be done with breakfast and tea when you're done."

I try to nod clearly as I struggle to stand. Even if it wasn't offered, I would need a soak in the tub, if only for my poor, abused body. And yet, I pause as I walk over to the stairs. Baby Kakashi and I make eye contact. He really shouldn't be able to see me and _know_ it's me. The weird infant maintains eye contact with me while he finally opens his mouth, accepting what I now see is a mix of something pureed and rice porridge, only to let it ooze out of his mouth and down his chin. Which is gross, but not why I shudder. I feel like his eyes are MORE intense than last night.

Turning away and heading up the stairs to our bathroom is my only option. Climbing those stairs is awful, but the reward… I feel my eyes get misty when I think of the tub and a clean dress. I snatch the first dress I have on top in the drawer, and scuttle to the bathroom. I dump probably too much of the bath salts for sore muscles into the tub while it fills with water, but I don't care. I shed nasty pajamas and try to be brisk in cleaning myself off. Why is my hair all clumped together? And with what? No. Don't think about it. I just need to get myself clean. Wash all the baby gunk away…

I like to think I didn't fall asleep in the bathtub, but I probably did nod off a couple times, if my sudden body jerks are anything to go by. Really, I shouldn't stay in the tub too long, and I might have said fuck it and stay in the tub anyway, if my stomach hadn't starting making embarrassing noises. I have to remind myself that I am alone in the bathroom and no one can hear them, so it's NOT embarrassing…but I get out, feeling very self-conscious, anyway. I towel off and then grab the blow-dryer. I freeze, remembering the sticky baby gunk in my hair, and look for a hair tie I've never bothered with before. There…there is no hair tie. All I can find is ACTUAL ribbon. Can that…even really work? Braiding my hair is a quick affair, and then I'm sitting there, trying to figure out how to tie my braid with a ribbon.

It's…it's not as hard as I thought? I swish my head back and forth to try it out, and the piece of ribbon stays put. I smile, look at myself in the mirror, and realize I'm still naked. Wow. Priorities, am I right? I grab the dress and…Ugh, it's Konoha Green. Why do I have this? I look between the dress, my soiled pajamas on the wet bathroom floor, and the door. What are the chances I can just walk out naked and go find a new outfit without anyone seeing? I hesitantly look back at the dress in my hands. Slim to none, let's be real, with my track record. My stomach protests again. Whatever. No one besides the household will see me in the damn thing, and Mai-san is the one who got it in the first place. And Mari was there, so she knew it was a thing. I'll be fine. I get it on, and clean up the bathroom before leaving it's sanctuary behind.

I won't say my muscles were a 100% cured by the bath, but my movements are much smoother as I descend the final steps. Ako-chan sees me and hurries back to the kitchen as I seat myself next to Kiki-chan, and, by association, Kakashi.

"Kiyo-san," Kiki looks at me with concern, "he won't eat any of the baby food we mixed up for him."

"He's not as old as Gai-chan," I grab a rag and wipe at Baby Kakashi's face, "I don't think he had any baby food in his bag, so he probably isn't eating it yet."

"But, doesn't Hatake-san buy our produce for his son to try?"

I look into Mari's eyes and I watch in horror as they spark gleefully and that slow spread of her lips turn lethal.

"Well I guess-"

"I would like to try something!" I basically yell over her. Baby Kakashi's eyes flick over to me.

I rush into the kitchen and almost plow over Ako-chan.

"Ah! Kiyo-san! I was just coming out with your tea-"

"Not important! I need to get something for Kakashi-chan!"

Ako-chan stares after me as I search for some sweet potatoes.

"Ah…Ako-chan," I look back at her, "Where are the extra sweet potatoes you and Mari-san made for this morning's meal?"

Ako-chan looks away, "We didn't make any..."

I stare her down, probably with dead eyes. We always make a little extra when Jiro-san is away, because it's habit to make his servings.

"I see," Ako-chan blushes for reasons I don't have time to contemplate. "They are sitting in the stove to stay warm."

I smile as I check and see the cooked sweet potato. Like a good adult, I get the mitt so I don't potentially burn myself and cut a small chunk from it, then cut that bit into small cubes.

"Perfect, this is perfect," I mutter to myself, and hurry out of the kitchen with it.

I sit down at the table next the Kiki and Kakashi and stare directly into Mari-san's eyes while I take a piece and offer it to Baby Kakashi. I smirk at Mari's glare and know Kakashi took the offered bite when Kiki-chan exclaims "good boy!" as if he was dog. Hilarious, because he is, or will be, basically. I look over at my triumph to see him staring at the other pieces of sweet potatoes while he mashes the cube in his mouth. Then, he makes a gurgling sound, and to my despair, he seems to push it all out of his mouth with his tongue. Content with this, he waves his fist at the other cubes, and then puts his fist into his mushy mouth. Baby Kakashi repeats this motion several times, until I offer another cube of sweet potato. It's rinse and repeat.

Mari-san and I lock eyes. It feels like a draw to me. I'm not wrong, but she's also not right. Baby Kakashi gurgles some more.

"Hmm," Mai-san sips her tea, "perhaps Kiki-chan shouldn't have added the apple to the porridge. As I recall, Kiyo-san, you said Kakashi-chan doesn't seem to like sweeter produce."

"Yes! That's right!" radiating smug isn't polite, but it's what I do.

"You must chat with Hatake-san quite a bit to know so much about his son," Mai-san says and take another sip.

My face falls as Mari-san's lights up again.

"No…that is..."

"It's good you get along with Hatake-san so well," Kiki-chan beams at me, "Maybe we'll get to spend more time with Kakashi-chan if you two are close."

Again, my obvious horror makes the others laugh, though Mai-san's is more of a chuckle and Kiki-chan is a definite giggle. I look down and Baby Kakashi is staring at me while he pretends to eat. Horrible.

Baby Kakashi gets handed off to me at some point, and as I try to keep up with the mess he's making with the wipe rag, Mai-san and Kiki-chan excuse themselves to get ready to leave. It's unusual for Mai-san to work at the stand, but she claims she needs to get back into the practice of it. I try not to make a face.

Mari-san and Ako-chan start the daily housework and I'm left to deal with Kakashi. I'd prefer one of them take over watching Kakashi so I can take a nap, but, it'll never happen. Kiki-chan seems to be the only one who has any interest in the babies. Ako-chan hovers but doesn't seem to know what to do with herself. Mari-san just straight up doesn't want to touch or be touch by them. I curse her to have at least twelve once Shin-san finally proposes and they marry. Then I will sit back and cackle at her.

A knock at the door interrupts my chuckling. Baby Kakashi's head swivels towards it.

"Mari-san, Ako-chan," I call out as I get Kakashi and myself up, "Someone's at the door."

I see them pop their heads into the room as I open the door.

And come face to face with an absolutely filthy Sakumo.

"Sakumo-san!"

I realize Mari-san is whispering to, probably, Ako-chan, but I'm more concerned about the shinobi in front of me. I'm sure my eyes are bugging out of my head as I look over Hitomi-san.

"Are-are you two okay?! Hitomi-san you're bleeding!"

She blinks and looks down at the field wrapping around her abdomen. It's stained with dirt and a red that says old and new blood, in fact, its seeping right now.

"Ah, yes."

I feel like my brain is scrambled, because Hitomi-san has never spoken in such a tame tone to me. This is badbadbadbadbad.

I grab a blanket and wrap Kakashi in it before I pass him off to his father, pushing forward to take Hitomi-san in hand. She jerks at I grab her wrist, and really, I shouldn't be touching an injured ninja, and then she yelps as I press my hand firmly against the seeping spot of the bandage.

"H-Hey!"

"Hitomi-san, please put pressure on a bleeding wound!"

Her eyes flash with pain as I stare at her and trying not to breath too deeply. The smell of that much blood is making me dizzy. I haven't done well with blood since-

"Hitomi-san, place your hand here," I shifted her hand over mine, "and press HARD. Do you understand? You need medical attention."

"Ah," she blinks again and swallows, "Yes, you're right, you're right. But I had to go with Sakumo-kun to pick up the pup…"

"The…" I look over at a Baby Kakashi who has buried his face into Sakumo's dirty flake jacket, "Really, Hitomi-san, that's ridiculous. Please go to the Hospital."

"It'll be fine for a bit," she waves me off weakly. I can't tell if it's because she knows her argument is weak, or if she's REALLY that weak.

"I believe Hitomi-san came with me to say her thanks," I noticed Sakumo was talking more to Hitomi, but sounded anxious.

"Ah, yes, that's right," Hitomi-san sent him a grin.

It could be my imagination acting up seeing so much red elsewhere, but I thought her smile was pink tinged.

"Vegetable Girl," I reoriented to focus on her words, "Thanks for letting Sakumo attend my team's mission. If he hadn't been there, I'd definitely be dead."

"You're going to die anyway if you don't go to the hospital," I said without thought, and then slapped my non-bloody hand over my mouth.

Hitomi barked out a laugh, then had to recover from the coughing fit it caused, "Vegetable Girl, you're a riot. I'll be fine as soon as a medic gets ahold of me. Guaranteed."

Hitomi-san gave a wave, this one seemed more flippant, more like her, before she disappeared. But this time, I could see an afterimage of her form and realized she was moving much slower than usual. I looked down at my hands and the blood on the one made me draw my mouth tight. A rough handkerchief dropped into the offending hand. I looked up at Sakumo, who now stood next to me.

"Thank you for watching over Kakashi," his eyes were earnest and serious, "I don't know what I would have done if she had really not made it back. I was lucky to be able to be there with them."

There were small spots floating in my vision as I stared back at him.

"I'm sorry, but I need to follow her to the medics. I don't have any serious injuries myself, but I need to make sure she gets there okay."

"Yes," I feel my head nod in a strange creaky way. There's static running up and down my neck.

Sakumo bows and then is gone. He took Baby Kakashi with him. I look down at the handkerchief in my hand. There's a distance thought that I need to wash it and the other blankets and rags I used with Kakashi last night. It would be the proper thing to do. Mari-san and Ako-chan stare out at me from the front doorway of the Yamamoto's house, their eyes wide.

I clench the fabric in my hand as it begins to tremble.

What have I done?


End file.
